Always yelling at children is a disease that can be treated.

A mother shared in moments: "what is born is what is born!" One second I was yelled at, and the next I called my mother in my arms.

Children always forgive their parents so easily.

If you yell at your colleagues or other relatives, you won't be able to mend the relationship for a while. Some even turn into enemies as a result.

Maybe it's because it's so easy to get a child's forgiveness. So many parents think it's okay to yell at their children.

There are also some parents who say:

I have a temper. I don't have to hold it. Suffocate myself? When we were young, we were all beaten and scolded. Isn't that good?

In the face of such a reasonable rhetorical question, I have nothing to say.

But do you really know how a child feels when he is yelled at?

You may think that you are just making a little noise in a high voice to achieve a deterrent effect, or you may feel that you are just out of control and still love your children, don't you?

So he forgave himself for being out of control again and again.

But you forget your identity, the child's most trusted and beloved parents, everything comes out of your mouth, the lethality increases exponentially.

In Germany, there is a very famous picture book, "Mom who yells when she gets angry". It is a lovely baby penguin who tells us about the extraordinary experience between him and his mother.

This morning, my mother lost her temper and yelled at me angrily. As a result, I was so scared that my whole body scattered and ran away

My head flew into the universe, my stomach fell into the sea, and my mouth was stuck in the mountains. Finally, my mother, who lost her temper and screamed, took me back and repaired me.

My mother told me I was sorry, and I forgave my mother.

Children who are hurt by their parents' shouting are filled with fear and even tremble, and they rely on wild mind wandering to escape the frightening real world.

Children are soft inside, and they always make mistakes when they are small.

Children are often willing to forgive the mistakes of violent parents, believing that their parents are in a bad mood, not that they don't love me.

Children always understand their parents from the standpoint of their parents, but can we also control our temper?

Because I myself have been angry at the child, see the child scared look, very regret.

So I secretly made up my mind to control my emotions. Yelling at children is a disease that can be cured!

A deep analysis of oneself is the beginning of Zhihe.

A lot of mothers asked me if I had ever yelled at my child. Of course, when I was a new father, I really couldn't control myself when I saw some of the children's behavior.

Think about the reason, it has a lot to do with the original family you have experienced.

In my memory, I was seldom treated gently after making a mistake at that time, but I was beaten and scolded, and I didn't even have a chance to explain.

I hate this way of treating me, but when I have children, I often get angry at the bottom of my heart.

The idea of venting on the child kept flashing up, just like what my grandmother did when she taught me.

On the contrary, an old classmate of mine.

Her parents have a notoriously good temper, never beat and scold their sisters, and speak softly to their sisters, as well as to her own children when she becomes a mother.

Even if the little guy is naughty, they will only deal with it gently, not scold and roar.

Later, I kept analyzing myself. Why did this happen? What should I do? I keep reflecting on myself deeply.

So it is true that raising children is a practice for parents. To really change yourself, you still have to analyze yourself.

The deeper your introspection, the more energy you have to change, and when you wake up, the ways that can help your child will really work.

What I fear most is to kill people who don't admit it when they know they have a problem.

Once met a father, he actually felt regret after hitting the child, but refused to give in: who told him not to listen to me, if he didn't study hard, I would play!

His values are: I was beaten up anyway, and it doesn't matter.

The more his son fought, the more he rebelled, and he already felt powerless. He still hurt the child in the old self-righteous way, and also damaged the parent-child relationship.

Don't think that losing your temper is love, let alone that losing your temper is true temperament.

People who can really do a good job in managing their emotions are those who have real skills and can become good parents.

Here are three ways to treat roar.

Give children multiple-choice questions, but also give themselves time to think calmly.

In many cases, parents yell at their children and ignite anger because of their children's behavior. A large part of the reason is:

The child doesn't listen to me and works against me!

After saying it so many times, it's still the same!

You just have to beat and scold to listen, you forced me to!

Everything is based on me. I need you to do this. I need you to get dressed in 1 minute. I need you to do your homework when you come back. I need you to listen to me.

But the child is not a robot, and you don't write the program according to your needs.

They will have their own ideas. Why don't you listen to them? They have their own rhythm, why not wait and see? It is normal for them to have their own thoughts and resist.

But autocratic parents always do not give their children a choice. In fact, their children prefer democratic methods.

When you give him a choice rather than a dictatorship, they are more willing to cooperate and communicate.

When we give our own choices, we are actually trying to calm ourselves down. In a rage, you can't rationally give a choice.

For example, children do not take a bath, but also want to play on the sofa in the living room. Why don't you take a shower? are you waiting to be beaten? At this time, the child is either angry or dillydallying against you.

Why not say that if you take a shower earlier, we will have a little more story time later. You can choose whether to tell more or less.

This method works well for my son.

When we give our children a choice, they don't feel forced, they feel respected, and they consider their gains and losses.

Let the child bear the natural consequences.

Children nowadays are very smart and shrewd. This is the consensus of all parents.

Then we let the smart kids manage themselves. A good way is to let the children bear the natural consequences, which is much more useful than your yelling.

Many times we forbid our children to do one thing, and one of the most frequently used ways is to threaten that if you want to do so, you will be beaten up.

But children resent threats like you, and they try their best to do it secretly, either to get your attention or to prove their ability.

Take the procrastination of my son's bath, for example, I will let him bear the consequences of the dillydally.

When telling bedtime stories, I will stop at the best part. Today's time is up, because you dawdle and waste your time before taking a shower today.

Of course the little guy doesn't like it, but there's no way. You have to accept it. He'll want to cry to get me to compromise.

But I will tell him that what he does, bear the consequences, must be a little earlier tomorrow, and the next day, as soon as you open your mouth, he will go immediately.

Punish with rules, not with your temper.

If losing your temper and being reasonable are useless methods of discipline, then you have to try the rules.

The rule itself depends on its rationality, so the rules should be explained to the children, and firmly in accordance with the rules, do not make the rules at will because of the mood is good or bad, and then use the rules as a preaching or autocratic tool.

When you really internalize the rules into behavior habits, when your child's behavior deviates, he will consciously correct it instead of relying on you to yell.

For example, there are three main rules I set for my son:

If you can do something well, you will find a way to do it.

Study is a serious thing, you can't be half-hearted.

To buy snacks, you can buy one at a time.

So when he waits for you to wait on him, come up with the rules and do your own thing.

Sometimes when he is tutored in his studies, he will be distracted, either playing with toys or watching what other people in the family are doing. He can stop and remind the child to study hard and concentrate before moving on.

When he goes to the supermarket, he never stays and has to buy something, because he knows that we will buy things that are really needed, not to mention that we will also buy things that are not in line with the rules.

Of course, the premise of getting your child to follow the rules is your close relationship with him, which is the basis for winning your child's cooperation. Without love, rules are cold shackles.

In the way of raising children, we should learn to be kind to our children. In fact, we should also be kind to our inner self.

When you are at peace, the child will be happy.