I do not know how to write, exactly do not know what kind of text to use this year's mood complete string together, let them such as gorgeous crystal without losing the original flavor hanging there, let you share, let you understand.
As I wrote the first words of this hot August, I suddenly noticed that many unknown flowers were blooming outside the window, red, yellow, pink, and colorful together, full of beautiful colors. When did these flowers bloom? This momentum should not be in full swing for only a few days.
I don't know if these flowers are blooming beautifully this year, but if they are, I think I should thank them. I smell the air there are many sweet taste, there is a very beautiful word suddenly came out: flowers undefeated!
Flowers bloom undefeated.
Flowers bloom undefeated ah!
I think I can finally calm down and tell you a lot of stories that happened this year. I think no matter what happened in the future, I will never forget the dribs and drabs of this year.
A week before the start of senior year, there was a parent-teacher conference.
It was a serious parent-teacher conference, one in which no one was absent or even late. The teacher stirred up almost all the emotions of the parents at that meeting. The importance of the third year of high school goes without saying. The so-called success is also the third year of high school, and the failure is also the third year of high school. No matter how brilliant the children were in the past, no matter how failed they were, the class teacher, such a thin little girl, actually leaned against the podium for two hours with high morale. It was nothing but to make us believe that things could happen. Miracles and consequences come to life dramatically during the year.
In order to let each student clearly understand his or her ranking position in the class, grade, even in the district and the whole city, the school elaborately produced a ranking table for each subject of Senior One and Senior Two. Now that I think about it, I have to admit that the watch was too elaborate. The total score of each subject, the ranking of the mark, the comparison with the average score in the grade, and even the carefully designed score trend chart, finally accompanied by the specific analysis of the comprehensive ranking. It was really painstaking to pack a piece of paper densely.
Father came back from school with a dark face. The situation was as grim as I had expected: 190th in the grade. Terrible location.
There is hope. As the teacher said, anything is possible. My father said he believed in me, but I don't know if I should believe in myself again. However, there was no way out. We are pawns who crossed the river and cannot turn back.
I can only whip horse, catch up, only worthy of parents, worthy of teachers, the most important thing is worthy of their own.
After 11 years of preparation, it was finally time to open the curtain and fight desperately. I had to say goodbye to my lax, irresponsible past.
I rushed into battle when I had lost everything, but the battle had already begun and there was no way to hide.
Senior three is really different.
If the horror of the high school sea tactics had not been revealed at the beginning of this demon's debut, then the change brought about by the high school was first psychological. There's always a string in your head that's always there, that's always there, that's always there. On the boring English class, your thoughts float leisurely to the window when the imagination; Do the calculation is extremely large pure practice patience super low-level math problem, you move a little bit want to refer to other people's answer idea; At 12 o 'clock in the middle of the night forced himself to sit at the table back long tongue around the meaning of the people's democratic dictatorship, back head like chicken pecking rice general time, that string bang came a deafening: high school, how can so degenerate! Then, his whole body quivered, and his heart beat wildly. He immediately braced himself and continued to fight.
At the beginning of Senior Three, almost everyone was eager to try, everyone was unusually bold and did not enter Fudan Jiaotong University. I pasted a large slogan on the bed and shouted several times before getting up early and going to bed every day to increase my poor confidence. All dreams were abstracted under the pressure of the college entrance examination into the sacred academy that he identified. At that time, as soon as he heard any news about Fudan University, he immediately felt excited and excited, as if everything was eclipsed under the dazzling halo of the school.
I never thought about the huge gap between the score of 190 and Fudan, and the students around me seemed to realize the terrible array of thousands of troops crossing the single-plank bridge. We stick to the dream in the heart, Xianglin sister-in-law shouted I want xx, that kind of psychology and the tension created by this trigger, is less than three people can not understand.
The first real fight from Senior Three came soon.
Midterms of the first semester, a test we thought we were ready for but were killed to death. Our ranking changed dramatically just as the teacher had predicted. Many unknown students in the class were like black horses, which surprised everyone at once. Between the ups and downs, many people began to get practical. The art of Peking University's school gate is indeed qualified, but not everyone can feel elegant there. The embarrassment of too many people makes every senior high school student embarrassed before the huge gap between reality and dream.
I'm one of the few people who still holds onto that fantasy. Please note that I used the word fantasy, that is, the kind of thing that seemed absolutely impossible to realize at that time. Logically speaking, I, a person who hovers between two or three hundred disappointingly in Senior One and Senior Two, and still maintains a small disk growth momentum in Senior Three, should not have any illusions about Fudan, a top institution in the country. But God knows how I could have had such revolutionary optimism. I stubbornly hold each test once, forward 50 ideas, crazy to calculate, silly to proud.
Later facts also proved that it was precisely because of their own kind of scary optimism that they had the motivation to persist, so that the absolutely impossible gradually flashed the dawn of hope step by step.
Using cruel facts to defeat the fragile self-confidence of young people is the first killer weapon thrown to us by Senior Three.
The firmness of psychological defense is an extremely important reason for victory in this war.
At that time, I didn't realize that this kind of persistent and silly momentum had such a big magic, just blindly insisted on Fudan that kept the abstract name for 11 years, I didn't even realize what kind of price to exchange this beautiful concept of childhood, just followed it closely and recited it over and over again.
Without realizing it, I traded my hubris for a slight advantage, and I didn't realize it was a good start.
I went to talk to the class teacher once, and the petite and lovely feminine teacher said softly when he saw me: this time I did well, keep it next time, Huazheng can rush. I still can't figure out how I was so resolute and bold: I want to take the Fudan exam. The teacher, who has always been a lady, could not hide her O-shaped mouth. Fortunately, she quickly took into account my feelings and then said softly: Then you have to work harder. But there's hope. There's hope. I grinned stupidly. There was a bouquet of roses on the table, blooming brightly, red as if it were about to drip, spreading upward in vigor. Sunlight slanted in, warming the office in early autumn.
Now think about it, that teacher's understatement gave me how much motivation. Not to mention how many positive elements there were in her words, but that hopeful sentence was like a bright lamp. In the following days, it was always hanging in my mind. Even the sweet smell of roses on the table that day made me feel warm.
The days that followed began to become more and more flat, simpler and more monotonous.
Every morning, I rushed breathlessly into the crowded classroom, put my bag away, took my exercises, and began to calculate. Those days that were similar but not quite the same day have now been abstracted into draft paper that is always densely written, formulas and exercises that cannot be wiped clean on the blackboard, teachers 'heartfelt exhortations and chalk scraps that always float in the air.
The boys 'hair was always in a mess, and all the girls' beautiful clothes were reduced to uniform uniforms. Occasionally, we would lift our straggly eyes from the mountain of papers and glance at the newly copied, crooked notices on the blackboard about how much to pay or what books to buy. The day is so in plain light dribs and drabs flow away.
The humor cells of the class were trained to be extremely sharp in this simple environment. Once any trivial matter was caught, it was immediately exaggerated and expanded, and then attracted a sensation from all. A writer's article about bullshit/bullshit/bullshit caused the whole class to clap their desks, laugh, and knock their legs apart. The teacher said that this is a high school syndrome performance. Because our lives are so one-dimensional, anything that stirs up ripples will bring us immeasurable happiness.
Senior three physical education class is the only school regulations can not be occupied class, boys often play basketball in physical education class to sweater can twist water, girls are kicking shuttlecock, jumping rubber band, happy.
Every Friday afternoon after two classes a short time is designated as our game day. We racked our brains to get things to school for fun. There is a pediatric game of coin flipping that we particularly like. Get a few dimes, one yuan coins on the table, with a few erasers to build up the goal, regardless of boys and girls all lie on the table shouting and laughing, seemingly serious to play happily. I don't understand how we can be so easily satisfied and hysterical when we laugh after we have already held the adult ceremony.
Play hard when you play, study hard when you study. It is an irrefutable truth that we believe in high school.
The numbers on the countdown board are getting smaller and smaller, and we have no time left. The teacher shouted to us: Do what you have to do. We didn't write like other books between the students as infighting, we are always happy together. No matter how bitter, how boring, I know that at least there are brothers who stand in the same trench as me. There is no such thing as a student who plays at school and works hard at home, because there is no time or energy to prepare for those hypocritical things, and no one wants to do that, frankly, is disdainful of doing it.
Then one day, I don't know who inserted a bunch of fresh lilies in the classroom, pink and white perfume lilies, all autumn, the classroom has always been lingering with the quiet smell of lilies. We inadvertently in a light sweet incense day after day calculation, no one to deliberately pay attention to the bundle of quiet lilies, but it and its taste is really deeply branded in everyone's heart.
I don't know what words to use to accurately express my feelings at that stage. Maybe it's steadfast. I still get up early and go to bed late every day when shouting a kill into Fudan, but no longer over and over again will Fudan hanging in the oral. Everyone carefully keeps their dreams in their hearts and tries their best in their own ways. Progress and honor are ethereal things that we can't grasp. Only this day can be seen and held. I can see my classmates and myself in this simple day of real efforts, my results in this sense of steadiness steadily climbing, not a bit fast nor slow progress. This feeling, thinking about it now, was really good.
The days of the second semester of Senior Three have changed greatly compared with the calmness of the first semester, adding a lot of restlessness and restlessness. The first round of combing knowledge and the second round of mastering the comprehensive problem system have come to an end, and the third round of intense examinations and the bombing of the sea tactics have followed.
It was an indescribable time. The timetable has been changed to the terrible form of language counting, foreign language 1 1, self-study and self-study.
The teacher no longer helps us summarize anything in class, but just sends out stacks of simulated test papers for each subject. I don't know how the teacher has so many papers. We have to do it again, analyze it again and check it again in every section. There are other cities, the country's various types of examination papers, as well as previous college entrance examination papers, and even those unknown study papers on the strange test questions have been teachers without omission to collect down for us to do. One class is a quiz, two classes are a big quiz, and the self-study class of the whole grade is a mock exam. All the test papers were graded, and the teacher didn't have time to grade the quizzes, so the students had to grade each other alternately. Score is equal to become the winter and spring alternate cold and hot season in the most exciting and most worthless things.
That was a powerful stimulus.
One's own actual score is a stimulus to one's original imagination; another stimulus to one's own score compared with the scores of others; and the general trend of several scores is the greatest stimulus; I gradually became numb in a few stimuli this day, invulnerable, in the attack again and again to clean up the old mountains and rivers, in the failure of the remnant can not bear to see the exercise and blood swallow teeth courage and perseverance, become more and more stable, more and more strong, that is the most memorable period of high school.
Examinations and analysis became the whole of life. Calculate the time to do the examination paper, correct, analyze, according to the wrong question to do the exercise again, repeatedly, repeatedly anti-reverse. We will go back today to do n papers instead of going back today to do this book, will sleep time drag on again and again, will wake up the alarm clock earlier and earlier.
Recite n words every day, do n test papers every day, and complete n corrections every day.
The schedule was densely painted, and each completed item was crossed out with a colored pen. The grisly bars and the big red crosses on the examination papers dripped down every evening and morning, the only path with beautiful flowers in sight at school and home, the yellow pages as high as mountains, slowly moving in the moldy air. Sometimes at home recite tears will fall, books want to throw out of the window, but, as long as the meditation several times Fudan will immediately calm down. I carry a heavy head, blank heart, willingly buried in the room to rot over and over again, abcd. Persistent ah persistent, I do not understand how I am such a loose used to people suddenly become so sit upright, feeling heaven and earth.
Up to now, I sit in the air-conditioned room comfortably sorting out the books of Senior Three, still admiring my perseverance and courage at that time, several large books full of notes, half-meter high each carefully done, carefully revised and analyzed examination papers, there is a dictionary-thick 16-open mathematics classic exercises, each question actually has four or five solutions, has been read more than ten times. In that extremely cold winter and strange spring weather, I used the rough handwriting of my cracked hands to weave the sacred and unique dream in my heart one word at a time. I think this is the influence and change brought to me by Senior Three.
Growth is longing and nostalgia of the balance, when it tilted down, those who lost the moonlight night with what kind of voice to comfort. Gao xiaosong
I like the old wolf song very much, in that period of time, the old wolf let me quiet, let me release. I think if I want to use a person's singing to give my senior year music, old wolf's, very suitable. There was a voice hidden beneath the calm.
I took the shame of 190, with a desperate mood and reality to do the final struggle. I carefully examined the weight in my hand. There was nothing left but effort. I think, every once struggling senior high school students have tasted this kind of interception off all the narrow beauty of retreat, are in the heart of feeling the final mood of the kind of tragic feelings.
Volunteering is a deadly thing, far more complicated than I thought, and unbearable.
Conservative, conservative, conservative. It became the first principle of volunteering.
My situation was somewhat desperate, my poor family background was insufficient to attract any kind of kindness, and my own achievements were too weak to shout. Even though most of the year's efforts in exchange for a slightly higher position in the top 80 of the grade, but in the first few years of the shadow of 190 and Fudan this unattainable threshold also became frustrated and powerless.
Finally, even the principal said: you test Fudan, only 30% hope. Think it over.
Those days my nerves became weaker than ever, wavering between unreachable dreams and relatively safe setbacks.
Therefore, I choose to give up; I dare not let Fudan as a beautiful fairy tale exists only in the oral, I dare not use the eggs do not have confidence to touch that piece of extremely hard stone. I can't stand the despair that comes with going from heaven to hell in case of failure. In the cheers of unanimous approval, I wrote down the name of the school I didn't think of and let the words of betrayal explode in my mind.
After handing in the form, I sat alone for two hours and secretly went to Fudan campus to sit for an afternoon to mourn the collapse of my dream. Fudan is so beautiful. Azaleas everywhere quietly open intoxicating in the campus. Just right against the solemn and sacred Fudan campus as I imagined. My tears came down at once. I am not willing to ah, I am not willing to do a dream for 12 years was so a thin piece of paper completely broken, I am not willing to high school this year every day desperate struggle was so a reason for insurance and ruin. I know that nothing can replace Fudan in my heart that kind of pivotal position, if really high marks into any other school department, that kind of regret is not sitting at Fudan gate to cry can be dismissed?
I knew that hot Sunday afternoon meant a triumph of obsession for me. Now, thinking about it, that quiet and beautiful afternoon in Fudan helped me make a very important decision of my own.
Finally, I finally made my own decision to return to my volunteer form under everyone's surprised eyes, and solemnly filled in the four excited characters of Fudan University on the form. Those are the four most comfortable and beautiful words I have written in twelve years, and they are the most important decision I have made of my own free will in so many years, a decision that reflects the initial weight of my life.
I want what I want, even if it is in front of reality was hit badly, even if it is in the college entrance examination field lost, this is my own choice.
Just like students, losing in the examination room.
There was nothing to write about in the days that followed.
After getting Fudan's notice, I finally couldn't help but look at the familiar classroom. Fifth floor, last room down the South corridor. A year of high school youth flows away from here. A bouquet of lilac forget-me-nots was inserted into the glass bottle on the podium, dotted with small green petals, gently swaying in the wind.
Senior three more than 300 days and nights in the bit by bit, but also as a colorful flower, open in everyone's heart. Perhaps not every flower is beautiful, not every flower is fragrant, not every flower can bear fruitful fruit. But those flowers really bloom once in the softest place in everyone's heart, and they really leave some sweet fragrance of flowers. The shadow of these flowers, together with what Senior Three brings to us, is a pair of mature eyes that we use to see the world today. This unforgettable will affect every choice and decision we make in life in the future.
The flowers have bloomed. Whether we admit it or ignore it, as long as the flowers bloom, we will lose.
Post a comment