Cherish forever.

Day, gloomy and bitter face, seems to be brewing a rain that can thoroughly drench the earth, but also can drench people's hearts with mournful rain.

Leaning on the windowsill, recalling the years that passed in a hurry, my heart kept flying with my thoughts. It is almost Qingming Festival, so the sky will be overcast and the rain will come. Looking out of the window, it seems that the dampness of the clouds can no longer keep the rain, and it will eventually fall to the earth, like tears in whose eyes.

At a moment, some at a loss, because, a wisp of sadness slowly emerged from the memory, clear.

A crisp birdsong woke me to sleep for a while and suddenly realized: Oh, it's spring! Everything in heaven and earth is calculating carefully for its own rebirth. I also want to find a piece of spring, however, in this year's Qingming Festival, my heart is still stirred by a kind of sadness. Touching the familiar face in my memory, I knew that she would never wake up from her deep sleep.

Grandma is the eternal sadness in the depths of my heart, and it is also my deepest memory when the clear rain comes.

How many midnight dreams, grandma and I always meet in a dream, her voice and smile, is still so clear. How real the dream is! She was as old as she used to be, and her warm and kind face had not changed at all. However, every time I woke up, I didn't see its face or hear its voice, and grandma disappeared as if by magic. Only left the pillow wet with tears in the dark, and my face dripping with tears, and the lost and frightened eyes.

Time flies, time changes in the dark. Time really flies, in the blink of an eye, another year of Qingming Festival. I think I should write something for me and my grandmother, so as to place my thoughts and memories.

Perhaps, a person's life, need to face, as well as bear the helplessness and pain too numerous to list. When grandma was very young, my grandfather was seriously ill, left his six young children and died. After that, a family, which was not rich, was instantly shaky. The burden of the family fell on grandma's weak shoulders, and she naturally became the only pillar to support the whole family.

I often heard my mother say that at that time my grandmother was still working in a big group and was struggling to make a living by earning a few pitiful jobs. After returning home, grandma has to go far away to shoot pig grass on the mountain. The strong grandmother never gave in to the high mountains and the long road, and everywhere she shed her blood, sweat and tears among the thorns. Grandma used her tenacity and diligence to get a few school expenses for her uncles and a dull life for the whole family.

In the memory of my youth, grandma was radiant and Hale and hearty. Just the wrinkles on her face, like a winding stream, so that she could not cover up the vicissitudes of life precipitated by the years. I understand that this is the witness of grandma's hard work, and it is also the slight pain in my heart when I think of her.

When I was a child, I would go to my grandmother's house to stay on holidays. Holding his mother's hand all the way, he was not afraid of the hardships of the trek, and his heart was full of joy. I can finally listen to grandma tell me that distant story, and finally taste the delicious food cooked by grandma. What excites me most is that I can go up the mountain with my cousin to dig for medicinal herbs. When I saw the high mountain of my grandmother's house, I would always shout to my mother, Mom, come and have a look. I saw a dance in my grandmother's house, and the spontaneous happiness in my heart would ripple on our mother and daughter's faces.

Over the mountain, over the ridge, in the distance, I saw a small figure standing at the mountain pass. It's grandma. She was standing on tiptoe on the flat ground at the bottom of the mountain looking out at the top of the hill.

How did grandma know we were coming? What on earth is grandma waiting for to make her so persistent? I don't understand, and I don't understand.

Slowly, I grew up. With that share of do not understand, I walked into the society, and packed my bags, left home, went out to wander.

The days away from home are bitter, full of lovesickness for loved ones. At that time, I was always thinking of and caring for my family and relatives. My father often writes to me, and between the lines, I can clearly feel how much he and my mother miss me. Gradually, I understand a mother's heart. It was at that time that I realized that what Grandma was waiting for and looking forward to at the bottom of the mountain was just an unexpected surprise, a reunion that I had been waiting for for a long time.

That's the feeling of a mother. Just like my mother waiting for me at home, and grandma waiting for my mother at home.

However, when I understood, grandma's back was stooped, her waist was bent, her white hair was sparse, and even her few teeth had lost everything, all of which changed with the change of years.

I have to admit that the years are ruthless. It brings extreme destruction to all the good things in the world.

While grandma's children were getting better off, she herself suffered severe injuries to her arms and wrists due to an accident. A swollen black and shiny arm, with a thick plaster and a long bandage, was slung around his neck. The injured grandma is really like a tired machine, old, rusty, parts broken, and then difficult to repair. Looking at the expression distorted by pain on grandma's face, my impotence stabbed my heart so hard that I burst into tears.

I thought that from then on, grandma would no longer have to start another cooker alone, so she could finally enjoy peace and happiness with her children. However, two years later, grandma removed the plaster from her injured arm, and she moved her three-inch golden lotus, like a rotating tip of a top, still without rest. His arms were weak and he could no longer cook, so he showed his son the door and fed the animals, or mended clothes and embroidered insoles for his grandchildren.

I often can't help saying that Grandma, after suffering all her life, just stop for a few days and have a good rest! Don't do this and that again, as long as you live, you will have endless worries for the rest of your life. Grandma always told me with a smile on her face that she had nowhere to go when she lived in this mountain gully. If she was idle, she would be bored. While I am not deaf and blind now, I can give them what they can do. You can't sit at someone's house and wait for something to eat.

Grandma's words made me feel poignant or poignant, as if filling my heart with lead, heavy, unusually heavy. However, grandma was still smiling, and the wrinkles on her face bloomed into a flower with petals revealing the joys and sorrows of life. Inexplicably, bitterness mixed with helplessness came to my heart

Many years later, grandma began to take turns bumpy in the homes of several children, leading an unstable life in her old age.

Because grandma has the problem of carsickness, every time she goes out, she rides my uncle's cattle over the mountains to the next child's house. What does exhaustion mean for an old man in his eighties? I think this is self-evident.

I remember that once, when my father was out on errands, he stopped by the second aunt's house to visit his grandmother. When grandma saw her father appear in front of her, she seemed to see the savior. Between the sorrowful eyebrows, there is obviously more smile. In order to make grandma happy, my father took grandma home. At that time, grandma accidentally took a bus and traveled all the way. When I got home, the discomfort caused by carsickness was still there, but I never saw a trace of bitterness and tiredness on my grandmother's face. What I could see, and even experience, was the joy of her meeting her mother.

My father told me with a smile that my grandmother was happy every time she was at her mother's house. I also understand that it is because grandma has finally waited for the warmth and reunion that I have not seen for a long time.

My family's financial condition is the worst among my mother's six sisters. Even so, my father cut a jin of meat and made my grandmother's favorite dumplings with my mother. During the meal, my father kept giving Grandma a bowl, and Grandma's face was brimming with happiness. At that time, let me have a deeper understanding of the family affection. Home is where the loved ones are.

Is God jealous, too? To this day, I still ask this question. Although, others will feel more or less absurd when they hear this sentence. But I think this kind of absurd problem will probably only appear in the reality that is unacceptable to human beings. In the summer when I accompanied my grandmother with my children, an unexpected situation happened so quietly.

When I woke up at noon, grandma told me that her leg hurt, but it was only mild. She also said that she might have caught a cold and asked me to cupping her, but there was no sign of improvement after that. The aunt said that when you get older, you may be lack of calcium. Buy some calcium tablets for grandma to eat. In that way, he came and went, and his condition did not improve. Finally, I had to coax grandma to go to the hospital.

The atmosphere in the hospital was suffocating. Father, mother and cousins all raised their hearts to their throats and did all kinds of laboratory tests. Finally, the doctor looked at his eighty-year-old grandmother and couldn't bear it, so he called his mother outside the door and quietly told her the diagnosis of advanced bone cancer.

The result came as a bolt from the blue to us. Grandma, who has been tough all her life, has never taken a few pills, but she will end up with a frightening terminal illness in her later years. As soon as the examination results came out, the mother and cousin sent grandma back to their hometown.

Although grandma said nothing, she probably knew in her heart that she had an incurable disease, but the strength and stubbornness in her old man's bones made her never give up her desire to survive. She wants to live. Watching her sons, grandchildren and great-grandchildren around her knees, slowly enjoying the joy of having four generations living together. It is human instinct to survive. With helpless eyes, grandma begged her uncle to give her an intravenous drip, saying that if others could get through it, so could she. In the face of his old mother's request, my uncle could not bear to refuse, and it did not seem to matter whether the intravenous drip was effective or not. Everyone knew that my uncle did it to appease grandma's fear of death.

A few days before grandma died, she began to vomit blood. The collapse of the spiritual world made grandma look extremely old and haggard.

She looked at her mother lovingly with empty eyes and said in a weak voice, "thanks to you, son!"

Mom, are you afraid of dying? Mother finished, her eyes dimmed with tears.

Grandma smiled, looked at her grieving mother, sighed and said, "Mom is not afraid of death, but she just doesn't want to die yet."

The day grandma left, there was a drizzle in the sky, and the smell of sadness annihilated the whole village.

Up to now, grandma has been gone for eight years, but the sadness and pain hidden in my heart is still like an airtight net, wrapping me tightly and breathless. Yeah! Can the pain of the loss of loved ones be erased by time? I was just afraid that others would see my naked fragility, so I gradually got used to camouflage myself with a hard shell. But the underlying pain in the heart is like a scar that has just formed a scab. If you don't dare to touch it, it will bleed more than once. In countless nights, it is like an invisible little snake, occasionally spitting a few worshippers when I am defenseless, biting my originally mournful heart.

Grandma is my dear grandma, who is always on my mind all my life. Most of the time, I will miss her young appearance, her stubborn figure in the years of hardship, the happiness she looked like when she was with her children, and what grandma and I used to be.

Today, I still feel cordial and warm when I call grandma in my heart again. However, I have to accept the fact that my grandmother has left me. I only wish there would be no disease or disaster in heaven.

Grandma, do you know? I miss you again!

Postscript:

Grandma's ill-fated life made me have to start thinking about life again. I think that life endows people with tribulations, which is to temper one's mind, will, conduct, endurance and wisdom. When the storm of life comes, what about tribulations? What about setbacks? What about grievances? What about the pain? Since there is no way to change and there is no way out, we can only face it calmly. It was precisely because grandma walked resolutely on such a road that her heart became strong enough. She also taught me that the reason why life is heavy is that there is suffering. If life is only comfortable and comfortable, but has not experienced rough hardship, life experience can not be accumulated and precipitated, presumably, people's life will appear mediocre and shallow.

Author: Chenxi