Fatherly love is like a mountain

My relationship with my father has been bad since I was a child. When I was driving Kathy (my little girlfriend) home, I said to her. Later, I do not know whether it was on the radio or she said: you said that the personality is not harmonious! If you and your father are at odds with each other, who else can you be with? ......

As far as I remember, my father is unsmiling. He told me to eat and keep my mouth shut, and I told him I had an ulcer in my mouth. After a while, I still made a loud noise when I chewed vegetables, and he said to me, "are your ulcers not over yet?"

It was only then that I closed my mouth and finished my meal listlessly.

He told me to walk well when I was walking. I told him that when I was at school, the teacher always scolded me for walking, so I didn't walk well and my knees were not bent. Of course he was angry, and then my mother would turn to me and let me follow her instead of going with my father.

At that time, I was already a little sensible. I knew that my parents always quarreled for me, and of course I felt guilty. I only remember the last words of my father: the teacher won't hurt you. The tone of that voice is like a sad sigh, and I still remember it to this day.

And I have older memories in my head. When I was a kid, I didn't know why my father didn't agree with me. I took three steps and two steps to the sixth floor, locked the door and refused to let him in. Qian Yemao! Open the door!

Knock, knock, knock. Qian Yemao, open the door! Knock, knock, knock! No. You apologize first.

There is no answer, or just knock at the door, is called. Maybe I was scared by the loud knock on the door, or maybe I thought it was wrong to shut my father out. I'll open the door, and you're not allowed in. I made a slight opening.

Suddenly reached out two hands, stingy. I'll take it. Aah! I feel pain and my head is scratched.

Even when I grew up, I shut him out.

His mother was very angry when he went out for a drink at that time. (she gets angry every time) it's 11:00 and he hasn't come back yet.

The next morning, he came back from the hotel near his home. Qian Yemao, did you lock the door of your house yesterday? Yes. Oh, I wouldn't open it even if I knocked on it. (I was sleeping comfortably at that time.) were it not for the jokes of my neighbors, I would have smashed the door open. Don't lock it next time.

If you drink next time, I'll lock it. ......

As far as I can remember, only once, I showed tenderness. It was a weekend morning, and my mother got up for the first time to make breakfast. (usually he does it) I got up, he didn't get up, I told him to get up for dinner. I got into the quilt and lay beside him. He's awake, too. He stretched out his arms and put his arms around me. He looked at me as if to say, "my precious son has grown up." He touched my head: go, get up and eat.

Once, he was busy in the workshop all morning, and then he gave me a logo of the golden eagle. What's this? I asked about the sign on the leather jacket. You told me when to wear it, and I'll give you this golden eagle. He said, looking forward to my happy expression. Is there such a thing, I thought to myself, at least five or six years ago, (I was a very fanciful child) he still remembered. A sentence almost blurted out: what do I need this crap for? But finally held back, said faintly: thank you. Snubbed him.

Poor expression does not mean that there is no love!

I hate the poor and love the rich. One day after dinner, I asked my mother to leave, and I talked to my father alone. The manuscript is still here and recorded below.

I try to change my father into a person I think is perfect, but I find it more and more difficult to change a person.

Maybe it's because I grew up in quarrels, I fantasize about a perfect family countless times, maybe my perfection comes a little capricious, but I believe it will be realized, so I will do it all the time, no matter what happens!

I cried again, crying powerless and heartache, heartache is my mother, powerless is myself.

There is another article: mom, this sentence has been said to me, this time I will also say that I am sorry to you, really, I feel so sorry to you.

I am selfish, I am afraid of disdain and ridicule. I really don't want to have that feeling, that kind of pain, bowing my head makes me miserable. Maybe I'm just keeping up with the comparison. I'm vain. I feel sick myself.

I am sorry.

Father, please start working hard for me and my mother. (note: refers to going to the sea to start a business, I thought that as long as I started a business, I could have money.) I need capital, strength and backing. Mother needs it, too. It's just that she can support herself, and I can't.

I'm ashamed of myself, but selfish I still don't want to look back. Forgive me!

In this way, for me, please work hard for my mother and me, he replied that he has passed the age of hard work. I just want to live a stable life.

There is another proof of my selfishness. My father used to work overtime a lot. My mother and I eat first. She will eat as little food as possible and leave it to me. But I was not enough, and when I was almost finished with a dish, (my mother made scrambled eggs with chives, which I like best) she stopped me and said, "save some for your father, and he will come back to eat."

Now, he really wants to go back to his hometown to open a shop. If we eat for a family of three, my mother is always talking about bad work. And now she's the only source of income for our family. (for details, see "six Notes to send my mother to work during the winter vacation") these are all aside for the time being. Just saying that my mother is working more and more overtime, I have dinner alone with him, and I have nothing to say.

When I looked at the family photo that day, I looked just like my father. I also know that I have complained in my heart more than once about my father's short stature, as if he is tall, I can grow tall.

That way, when Kathy puts on high heels, I can also reach her lips. But I also know that most of my dislike for him was brought out by my mother when I was a child.

Whenever I come out of school, from cram school, from the sports meeting, from the cinema. I will stop and look around until I find him, and I will never miss him again.

Now I am finally a father, I finally have a son, and I have finally experienced the pain of being ignored by my son. Is he as careless as I was, that I was right in front of him but didn't see me, or was he unwilling to introduce me to his classmates and feel ashamed of me? I have no way of knowing. But if you give me another chance, I'll be desperate to find my dad at the door.

In this way, look back on the past. I just realized: fatherly love is like a mountain, because I can't bear it.

You don't go to work all day. You shop online at home. Go and look for a job. Will you stop buying it? the credit card debt of last month has not been repaid. (end)

Author: Qian Yemao