If the pattern determines life, then what determines the pattern?

All self-righteousness contains the seeds of failure in life.

Before we begin today's article, let's talk about a few phenomena.

The first phenomenon.

I took part in an interview with the company ten years ago.

Many of them are new graduates from famous universities, from Qingbei, National people's Congress to Beihang, and even individual students from Fudan and Nanjing University come for interviews.

If these students can be admitted to these famous universities, they are basically at the high achiever level of their peers.

Then, according to the urine nature of our unit, most of those who enter the interview not only get good grades, but also have to be good at writing among student cadres and party members.

So if you look at your resume, you can see that they are all very excellent young people, with an average age of about 22 or 23 years old.

In this group of people who are already very good, there is actually a more outstanding one.

A young man from Peking University, just under 20 years old, was either young or skipped the grade when he went to school.

The resume looks very handsome and handsome, and his grades are extremely good. He is the core of the national scholarship every year, and he is still the president of the student union. He has to do basketball teams and plays in his spare time.

It is probably that there is no dead corner in all aspects of moral, intellectual, physical and aesthetic development, so pay special attention to it.

When it comes to the interview, the speech, temperament, answer questions are impeccable, the key is very leisurely and magnanimous, a familiar appearance of the world, its performance left a very deep impression on everyone.

One of our HR whispered a classic comment to me at the scene:

For the first time, he felt inferior for his unit and was afraid that he would not be able to retain such outstanding talents, so he should have gone directly to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs as a spokesman.

HR made a deal. This person didn't come to our unit in the end.

Because for young people like him, the pursuit is no longer simple, such as how high the salary is, whether the Beijing hukou job is stable or not.

What they want is to give full play to their abilities, and the ceiling is high enough to show their ambition and realize the value of life.

After the recruitment, an executive who presided over the interview at the scene said:

From the moment he opened his mouth, I knew that our unit was at best his starting point.

If I just keep emphasizing how good these young people are.

That's probably the same as the behavior of the most local tycoons you've ever seen, and how wayward the rich second generation around you is. It's pointless except to show off.

What I really want to say is a phenomenon that has become more and more obvious in recent years.

When I was at the scene, I used to go through the resumes of all the interviewees and compare their performance. I found that most of the young people who graduated from prestigious schools and performed well were well off.

Many of their parents are provincial and municipal civil servants, managers of state-owned enterprises, school teachers and directors of the Public Security Bureau.

Of course, there are not many students. Their hometown is in the countryside, and their parents are both farmers. They belong to the Golden Phoenix who has worked very hard to be admitted to a famous school.

Although all aspects are also very good, but by comparison, you will obviously find the gap in EQ, temperament image and eye talk.

And the most outstanding young man, his father is a department-level cadre, and his mother is an accountant in a big bank.

There were probably dozens of people interviewed that day, and the sample size was not large, but the trend was obvious enough to be shocking.

What is even more shocking is that when I joined the unit a few years ago, there were many poor families in the same group, but in recent years, there are more and more students with good families, good schools and excellent families.

These people were all born in the post-90s and were born after the initial stage of reform in the 1980s and the gradual social stability in the 1990s.

When we were young, we all read chicken soup stories such as Bill Gates from scratch and Einstein's childhood idiots, but the older we were, the more we discovered the cruel truth of this society.

Those who are richer tend to be richer, and those who are better tend to be better.

Jack Ma's son is at the University of California, Berkeley.

Liu Chuanzhi's daughter first joined Goldman Sachs after graduating from Harvard and then took charge of Didi.

As for Wang Sicong

I first shared the above phenomenon in Zhihu, which was in early 2016.

In recent years, I do not go to the scene to participate in interviews every year, but every time I go, as long as I look through my resume, I will find that among the excellent college students who enter the interview, there are fewer and fewer people with poor family conditions, almost extinct.

I remember that in 2013, People's Daily was still reporting that the proportion of rural students at Peking University had dropped from 30% to 10%, but later, there were fewer and fewer news and reports about it.

Now I know that there are fewer reports, not because there are fewer and fewer such things, but because they are so obvious that they are not news.

In 2017, Xiong Xuanang, the top student in the college entrance examination in Beijing, made an earth-shaking remark in an interview:

It is becoming more and more difficult for children in rural areas to get into good schools.

You, who belong to middle-class families like me, have no worries about food and clothing, and your parents are all intellectuals, and you were born in a big city like Beijing, so you enjoy this unique condition in terms of educational resources.

It is not available to many non-local or rural children at all.

This kind of thing determines that when I study, I can really take a lot of shortcuts than them.

At present, the top students are all of this kind. Popularly speaking, they are the good and powerful ones at home.

Liu Qiangdong, who came out of the countryside, once donated a large amount of money to his alma mater, the National people's Congress.

Then it was found that no one received the financial aid at all.

Because there are too few excellent poor college students of the National people's Congress, they meet the difficult standards set by Liu Qiangdong.

This phenomenon of fewer and fewer poor excellent college students has been discussed more and more as evidence of class solidification in the past two years.

But that's not the key that I want to share today.

In the past two years, many such outstanding young people have come into my department and some related departments.

As mentioned earlier, their families are getting better and better, their academic qualifications are getting higher and higher, and their qualities are outstanding in all aspects.

I witnessed not only their wonderful resumes, but also their innate confidence in the interview field.

Many people are very concerned about how these young people, who are well-off and excellent themselves, will do after work.

Next, I will talk about the second phenomenon.

Unlike many newcomers who take a long time to adapt to the new environment, they appear to be very calm, methodical and neither humble nor arrogant at the beginning of their work.

For example, one of the boys, although the working hours are not long, but very independent, if the work arrangement is not reasonable will fight hard, but will not endure silently.

Sometimes when there are mistakes in the work, they will generously admit it.

From the beginning, he never worried about his house, car, girlfriend and so on.

When communicating with him, what I talked about most was not only the delicious scenery of all parts of the country, but also all kinds of anecdotes in Beijing's political and business circles.

At the end of last year, I went on a business trip with him.

It's very remote, we don't have a branch there, and it's a problem to receive anything.

As a result, when he arrived, he arranged everything in good order. Not only did he get off the plane and have a car to pick up, but also the accommodation, meals and task itinerary were all very good.

During dinner, I learned that one of his immediate family members happened to be on duty in that city, so I offered a little help.

When I saw the sense of calmness, magnanimity and dignity peculiar to his relatives, I immediately understood why he had just joined the job with an air of habitual calm.

The reason why he has such excellent relatives is that his family also belongs to the upper-middle class.

Compared with my trembling and cautious when I first took part in the work, it was really the first time that I was so anxious and nervous that I couldn't sleep when I encountered problems. I deeply felt the huge gap.

Now, we talk more and more about a word, pattern.

The so-called pattern is actually the height of the goal you pursue, the breadth of your vision, the depth of your thinking, and the leisurely magnanimity embodied in you.

We find more and more that the pattern of a person largely determines the starting point and end point, upper limit and lower limit of his life.

But I find more and more that the so-called pattern of a person has been delimited the starting point and the lower limit to a large extent from the moment he was born.

Just like the excellent young people I mentioned above.

The education brought to them by their families, as well as the constant guidance and help given to them in the process of growing up.

Let them stand on a higher starting point than others when they first enter the society.

Even if they encounter great difficulties, their families and the social networks woven by such families can give them enough strength to cope.

After Tao Chongyuan, a graduate student at Wuhan University of Technology, committed suicide in April last year, many people questioned why he was such a pussy in the face of the oppression of his mentor and why he was so unwilling to think about it when he was in trouble.

Yes, the mind is too small, the mood is too sensitive, the pattern is too low, in fact, from another point of view, just a mentor, but also can control you for a lifetime?

But those who say so do not know how much pressure a child of a poor family will face on the way to school, which bears the expectations of the whole family.

Do not dare to slack off, do not dare to make mistakes, do not dare to contradict, do not dare to be out of line, do not dare to retrogression, an inadvertent is irrevocable.

When they encounter problems, they not only have no family to help, but also dare not tell the family at all, for fear of putting more pressure on their already hard-working parents.

It's not that they don't want to be at ease, it's not that they don't want to be calm, it's not that they don't want to stand up, what they lack is the natural strength.

There is a book called "pattern counterattack". On the cover of the book, there are a few prominent characters:

Some people rely on talent to counterattack, some people rely on identity to counterattack, if you have nothing, maybe only rely on the pattern.

But my view is just the opposite.

In my opinion, the so-called talent and identity are actually given by the family, and they are the important factors that determine the pattern of a person.

Most people don't even realize:

There is only one fundamental reason why you want to live this kind of life instead of that kind of life when you are young, because you have this temperament rather than that temperament, and that is your original family.

In my circle of friends, some of them are relatives in my hometown, and they often share the same routines:

A great shock! The soy sauce at home is unexpectedly XXX

It's going crazy in moments! Top secret XXX that will be deleted soon.

A cruel woman abandons her husband and son because of XXX

If you occasionally take your child to the playground or the surrounding scenic spot, you can bask in your moments for a few days.

I sometimes find it hard to imagine that their children grow up in an environment like shock, madness, top secret gratitude, and so on. Will what they think and what they like become the same?

The other part is my colleagues, friends, leaders and people who have intersection at work. They seldom post on moments, and I can only peep into their lives from a few contents.

One of them will show his baby from time to time.

His child, who is still in primary school, has participated in the recording of CCTV programs many times and appeared on stage as a small assistant.

In his spare time, his parents will take him to travel abroad and send him to fencing classes, speech classes and one-on-one English foreign teacher classes.

What he saw and learned when he was in the third and fourth grade was enough to amaze me.

The same post-00 generation, also grew up in the new era, but this huge difference in family background, but for their future life has drawn a deep gap.

In my opinion, there are probably only three ways to break through the shackles of the original family, cross this huge gap and move towards a larger pattern of life:

First, keep reading and learning.

The premise that you are full of poetry and books is that you read poetry books rather than stallion novels.

When I wrote about Mao Zedong, I once mentioned that the reason why he, an ordinary child from a peasant family in Xiangtan, had such a vision and ambition beyond the rest of the world, first of all attributed to his tireless study and reading when he was young.

And what book is he reading?

Those who study philosophy, such as "ethics"

Those who study history, such as the General Collection of Imperial criticism of past dynasties

Those who study society, such as "dangerous words in prosperous times", and those who study current affairs, such as Xinmin Cong Daily.

To sum up, the fundamental things of these books are two things: knowledge and law.

Knowledge is the valuable experience accumulated by human civilization, while laws teach people how to discover, sum up and apply experience.

In front of these precious wealth left by human civilization, every word you read will be the power to guide you to change the pattern of your life.

The top student in the college entrance examination said well: knowledge can not necessarily change fate, but you can't change fate without knowledge.

Unless you're lucky, you don't have to change.

Second, constantly experience and climb.

When I was writing about how young Mao Zedong spent his holidays, in addition to reading, I also wrote two things:

Travel thousands of miles and make thousands of friends.

Although an ordinary family can bring a person limited improvement in vision and thinking, as he knows more people and experiences more stories, his ideas and habits will also change greatly.

However, whether it is communication or experience, don't just spin around at the same level and in the same circle and raise your legs high in place. It seems that every stroke is very hard, but in fact there is no progress at all.

Life should be like climbing stairs, each layer of spiral, will face a new environment, meet new friends, which in turn will help you continue to rise.

Third, continuous summary and reflection.

What a person fears most is that life has already set a limit, but do not know it.

You think you complain all day just because your work is not going well.

You think you lost your temper just because you were in a bad mood that day.

You think love leaves you just because there is no money.

You think you can't afford a house just because the house price is too high.

Do you think the founder of mobike cashed out 1.5 billion just because of luck?

All self-righteousness contains the seeds of failure in life.

In fact, when you sum up and reflect on every period of your life, decompose and analyze every phenomenon that seems natural but difficult to understand, you can get a lot of new and valuable things.

Especially when you analyze with your friends.

Every summary and reflection, as long as it is deep enough, deep enough into the bone marrow, and even touches the soul and values, can be a rebirth.

Yes, I have spent so much time explaining that the pattern of a person is largely determined by the family, not to make people give up.

But in order to let everyone in the reflection, can have a clearer understanding, more determined spirit, more exuberant fighting spirit, and more efforts to continue to struggle.

The pattern of life is not immutable, but only when you consciously and soberly go out of the first step of change can you usher in the second step that comes naturally.

If you want to read more wonderful articles, please follow the reading and appreciation of American articles.