Two days before Qingming Festival short holiday, I met Sister Dan.
When you gossip, you talk about your children's studies.
Sister Dan's son is in the most important sprint before the high school entrance examination. I asked her: do you want to review with me tonight?
She said no, it was all the father's responsibility. The two men went into the study together in the evening, the adults practiced calligraphy, the children did exercises, and Sister Dan just went to play badminton by herself.
I was very surprised.
I knew Sister Dan and her brother-in-law when they fell in love. Brother-in-law is well-off, rich since childhood, simple and playful, always like a child who does not grow up. Sister Dan has always been a standard reading companion mother.
Brother-in-law works stably in public institutions with little pressure. All his hobbies are playing games. After more than ten years of playing, he is an absolute master of online games. I don't know how much money he spent to upgrade and buy equipment. The broken affairs of an old and small family are all handled by Sister Dan, and the big and small take turns to wait on them, as if they were raising two sons.
I can hardly imagine that at the age of 40, such a man could suddenly change his face, exercise strict self-discipline, accompany his children, keep fit and study, and persist in practicing calligraphy and reading Tang poetry.
I couldn't help asking Sister Dan: when did my brother-in-law be reborn? Great!
Sister Dan smiled faintly and said, "it started when his father died."
Sister Dan's father-in-law was a man of culture, knowledgeable and respectable. Diagnosed with advanced colorectal cancer in 2015, he underwent two operations and was hospitalized for more than half a year until he died last year. During this period, Sister Dan's wife and mother-in-law took turns to take care of them.
Sister Dan said that perhaps it was from that moment that my brother-in-law really became the backbone of the whole family from a big child who did not know the sufferings of the world.
I'm not surprised anymore.
A man has been comfortable and comfortable for many years, and suddenly one day, his life was completely broken, from a young master who was waited on by his wife and mother in turn, into an ordinary person who rushes around the hospital family at three o'clock.
He wanted to explain to the unit leader the reason for handing in a request for leave and asking someone to find a relationship to give red envelopes to the chief surgeon. He saw with his own eyes his father, who had been strong and decent all his life, and finally became haggard after suffering from illness. For the first time, he saw the fragility and impermanence of life. Wang Sun Quan is honorable and honorable, so equal in the face of death.
From witnessing human suffering in the hospital ward, to personally experiencing the separation of yin and yang in the crematorium. It is difficult for people to be immature at that moment.
It was only when he saw his mother's back alone that he realized what was really lonely.
When he saw the white hair of his wife's hair, he knew what hard work and hard work was.
After experiencing death, people will know what responsibility is.
Aunt Wang was 52 years old the year her marriage changed.
Two people Yan good life, the husband sings along with the woman, but overnight, the marriage toppled.
On the eve of the Mid-Autumn Festival, her husband sat on the sofa in the living room and told her with a drooping head that she had an illegitimate child and that her wife was about to give birth.
How ironic. Less husband and wife are old companions, and he is the son of old, and then go to accompany other women.
Aunt Wang didn't sleep for three days and nights, and she almost had a nervous breakdown.
In the days that followed, it was no different from movies and TV dramas. Quarrel, tear, swear. The man knew that he was wrong, so he did not return the scolding, but only wanted to leave quickly, because the other woman was anxious to have a child legally.
How about sharing weal and woe in the same bed for 35 years? once the love is exhausted, the kindness will never be broken.
Aunt Wang grew old overnight and lost weight quickly.
Later, she told us that during that time, she had prepared several plans without sleep:
1. Negotiate with the mistress and give her a sum of money to let her go far away and never be allowed to appear.
2. even if the marriage exists in name only, they should not be allowed to have children to be husband and wife.
3. Tear your face to be a shrew, making a pair of dog men and women notorious.
At that time, she had nowhere to put her hatred, and even thought that she would not hesitate to use extreme measures to break the net and repay the blood debt.
She said, I have more than 50 people, the big deal is white knife into red knife, what to be afraid of.
One day three months later, Aunt Wang received a phone call.
It's a relative of her old best friend.
When Aunt Wang hurried to the hospital, her best friend was taken to the morgue.
The family of the old best friend cried and told Aunt Wang that she had a heart attack at home alone. Less than an hour before and after her husband went out, she came home to find that she had fallen into the bathroom with water on her hands and two pieces of unwashed clothes in the basin.
Trembling, Aunt Wang lifted the white sheets over her best friend. Her best old sister, only 50 years old, didn't have time to leave a word. A week ago, they got together to discuss whether to dance in the square after retirement, whether to sign up for a photography class, how to handle their future marriage, and whether to help the younger generation take care of their children.
After handling the affairs of her old best friend, Aunt Wang gave up her original revenge.
She sorted out, hired a professional lawyer, made final negotiations with the man, and the man finally agreed to leave the house.
Aunt Wang said she realized it at the moment she saw the remains of her best friend.
What is divorce? To be able to live healthily is the greatest luck and capital.
If you lose your heart, just let him go. If you can't forgive, get out.
In the face of life and death, this is bullshit.
Although life has its own bitterness, the greatest courage is not to be afraid of death, but to be able to live well in any encounter.
03 so far, the experience that has had a great impact on my life is the few days when I was in the hospital when my mother was dying.
At that time, my mother was in a deep coma, and the nurse made an exception and asked me to accompany me in the intensive care unit.
There are six beds in ICU, each with a critically ill patient. His body was covered with tubes, ventilators and monitors. I held my mother's hand in front of the bed, looked up at the six unconscious men and women in front of me, and suddenly understood what impermanence is.
Life is not the end until death.
I haven't recovered for a long time since my mother left. Hurried to work and off work every day, until a windy late autumn evening, I walked across the street in the community, the lights flickering, chills everywhere. I really realized that the man who waited for me on the bench at the door of the community with his son every evening was really gone.
Later, I completely abandoned the original state of life, to do a lot of things, a lot of things I had thought about but never put into action.
Every time I get a promotion, raise, travel, open an official account, write, or publish a book, I always think that my mother will be happy to see me like this.
She didn't leave me anything.
So I know more that every day of my life, I will no longer let myself have regrets.
During the Qingming Festival this year, I read a poem by Gao Yu in the Southern Song Dynasty:
There are many tomb fields on the north and south hills, and the Qingming Festival sacrifices are numerous.
The paper ash flies into a white butterfly, and the tears and blood dye into a red cuckoo.
The sunset is on the fox's sleeping mound, and the night is in front of the smiling lamp.
When there is wine in life, you must be drunk, when a drop has ever been to Jiuquan.
Life is dewy, and the dead are like this. Life is like fireflies.
When those familiar and loved ones are removed from us by fate and taken away by force, it makes us explore and think again and have a deeper understanding and experience of life. This is a more valuable thing than breaking your heart.
This is the death education they gave us.
From then on, there is no waste, no disappointment, no fear.
If you can go to the graveyard and sit still for a while, you will understand that it is the best educational base.
Those of us who live in chaos, eager and anxious, with unstoppable troubles, go to the tomb of our dead and ponder over a cloud of loess.
Our only luck is that we still have a chance to start a new life with the graveyard as a starting point.
It has been clear ever since which values are not worth and what they want.
It's like the relief after watching a disaster movie, and it's like the rejoicing when a nightmare wakes up.
Fortunately, we still have a chance. It's not too late.
Peach blossoms:
I was timid since I was young, afraid of death, afraid of the hospital. It was only after the death of a loved one that the concept of life and death gradually developed.
Later I learned that many people, like me, grew up overnight after experiencing life and death.
Those who are alive want to live better. The dead taught us how to cherish it.
If you have the same feeling, I hope you can come and talk to me.
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