I'm just the past you used to promise.

Once upon a time, we went hand in hand, looked at each other, said every word, and were all connected with each other.

I remember one winter dusk weekend, the sky was still shrouded in a world occupied by heavy snow. I just had such a small idea, just an idea. I wanted to buy a book, eighteen kilometers from the country to the city, an hour's drive, and I only had ten yuan, which was only enough for an one-way ticket and maybe only one book, but you didn't say a word. you raised your feet and went out the door. Never asked how to come back, never asked how your physical strength would survive the tiredness of the snowy night, then obeyed me, happy and without complaint. On the way home, you held the Sky of Seventeen in your arms and tucked it in the place closest to me, accompanied by inner heat, such as guarding a precious treasure, the snow and the cold of the night fell mercilessly beside you. We talked happily all the way, talking about the wonderful and unknowable fear of the future world all the way, even for two people who were passionately in love, and we always had endless words at that time. An endless argument.

That year, we were exactly seventeen.

In the dead of night, we often can't sleep. I hold you awake, recall stories during the day, share words and wonderful sentences, and whose words and deeds. Anyway, all our thoughts are concentrated on our self-senses, judging others, so as to compare ourselves with ourselves. when we are bored, we write poems, you and I, up and down, tonal, corollary, and occasional arguments. All for that empty and rogue night, no electricity, no cell phone, but we are so happy.

Happiness also comes from the world we are looking for together in the sea of books, often reading at candle night, jumping lights to polish our hazy youth.

At that time, you are as pure as a white paper, you can see my existence transparently in the sun, what you say and do is what I think and worry, everyone knows that you are a spotless man.

When you see the beggar by the side of the road, you always put your hand into your pocket as soon as I move. You open your heart and say the most heartfelt words to your friends. There is no conclusion. Tell others my world. Our city has no walls. Others can come in. We can also go out. Free people are actually the happiest people. I like fantasies, so you have a happy face all day. It seems that all my fantasies have been realistically presented in front of us.

Of course, the outside world will also bring me pain, so you cry loudly in an empty corner and let the tears fall on both sides of your cheeks.

It wasn't until later, when I was hurt so badly that you didn't easily show a sad expression, I knew that you might have matured or grown up, that's what people said, but to me, you were a kind of camouflage, dreadfully and quietly buried all my emotions in me, and ignored it. At that time, I saw the first drop of ink in your body, gradually swinging away the dirt. You are numb to enjoy the happiness that covers everything, I know, such as intoxication after taking drugs, I also know that you may want to use this way or method to stay away from me, or even abandon me, to live the life you want.

The world is complicated, and for those who break into our territory with guns and knives, you lock me in early, and close everything, including the good, to shut out the door. You never let anyone see my true face. I have never mentioned me to anyone, so we have become people of two worlds, you are you, I am me.

I sometimes watch you say things against your will like a walking corpse, and I feel very pitiful. I try to talk to each other when we are all lonely, just like we did many years ago, but you reject all my ideas. I can't listen to my heart, and you even reprimand me loudly that the world is a world of camouflage, and if you don't follow the crowd, it will be more prone to scars.

I know that you camouflaged me well and wrapped me in layers of corners, leaving me covered with dust without regret. I'm telling you, I'm going to help that blind man who doesn't know what to do in the middle of the road, and you walk past him with disdain. It's just a piece of work for you, and you don't want to fulfill my idea.

When we got off work in the middle of the night, we all saw a group of young people flirting with a passing woman. I said, I used to stop or call the police immediately, but you didn't stop, ignoring my voice and hurried back.

In the past, I was very bold, and you were also very bold, daring to say something that no one else dared to say, saying good advice and criticizing ugly phenomena. I remember that during the period when we learned to drive, we pulled down the coach who received red envelopes. We reflected upward, exposed on the Internet, and serialized undercover articles, which made people feel very happy.

Now, you are disobedient, smiling, a hypocritical appearance, and even hit a little sister in the box after a drunkenness, which was unthinkable in our world, but you are still triumphant, without a trace of guilt, lying to others, and then come to deceive me into believing your nonsense, for a long time, I suspect that you even forget your original appearance clean, however No matter how much scenery is just a coat of trickery villains, it will eventually show its true shape in the face of me, but I know there is no end in sight at that time.

Now I am the only one left, quietly staying in my own world, living alone. You have been away from me for a long time, and you are walking on what you call the pursuit of the ideal of life.

How ridiculous it is, the ideal we once aspired has nothing to do with the copper stink you like now.

I don't blame you for losing me. I only blame this confused world for holding your hand to the life we didn't want to live in the first place, getting along with a group of people who block our hearts, and if you keep at the same pace as me, you will certainly be laughed at by others, but we fantasized about such an outcome a few years ago. I remember you said, even then, you should live with me with dignity and live with pride.

Well, having said so much, now that you have finally lost me and I have lost you, your arrogance has become the attachment we imagined, but I am still waiting for you somewhere.

When you come back, come with me through ups and downs.

I do not know at that time, when brushing off the cover all over my body, whether you have realized that we are after all an inseparable whole, walk through this dispute with me, the wasteland will grow old, and the short life of this life will not be in vain.

I am just your once light but unyielding soul, the above words I said to you when you were not by my side, the right to be a solitary monologue.

Author: Xiao Ai