Love hurts and cries in pain

In the dead of night, outside the window, the moon is secretly looking at me who is sleepless. Sit still in front of the screen, when I hit this topic, the heart is painful. Eyes are also sour, a stream of tears can not help but flow out, flow into the mouth, I silently taste its bitterness. Looking at my sleeping son, I felt as if I had knocked over the five-flavor bottle and chewed my astringent tears. I deeply blamed myself. My heart ached all day because my son didn't have breakfast in the morning and went to school on an empty stomach. And this has not happened two or three times.

Come to think of it, it has been nearly four years since the child's grandfather was in a car accident. During this period, in order to take care of my father-in-law, I neglected my son and owed him so much. Which mother in the world doesn't love her child? I also love my children, and I want my love to grow up healthily and happily with my son every day. However, love, sometimes there is a lot of helplessness

My son was only three years old when his father-in-law was involved in the car accident. The car accident almost took the life of the old man, after several rescues in the hospital, although a life was saved, but my father-in-law has been paralyzed in bed ever since. In those days, I used to shuttle back and forth at three o'clock every day: home, work, hospital. And the husband is also very busy, the company, home, hospital. Because of this incident, my son was sent to my mother to take care of her. In order to take care of my father-in-law, I seldom go back to my mother to see my son. First, it is a long way away, and then there is a need for people to take care of my father-in-law. As a result of the violent impact on my father-in-law's lungs during the car accident and his long stay in bed, his lungs were infected and suppurated, but his father-in-law also lost his basic sense of expectoration due to brain injury, so the doctor made a small cut in his trachea. Every day, as long as there is phlegm in my father-in-law's lungs, we have to help him suck sputum from that air cut. If sputum is not sucked out in time, he will be out of breath, and his father-in-law can't leave him for a moment. So for the sake of the old man, I can only temporarily wronge my son, and I always think that when the old man is well, I must make up for all the love I owe to my son.

However, unexpectedly, my father-in-law lay in the hospital for more than half a year. Half a year, for me who miss my son, it is as long as half a century

A three-year-old child is at the age of lying in his mother's arms every day, but I can't stay with my son. Every time I see a child of the same age as my son on the way to the hospital, it hurts to miss my son. Watching the mothers take their children on the swings, playing games and having a lot of fun in the square, and thinking about my child staying at my grandmother's house far away from me, waiting for me to take him home alone. Often at this time, the heart will be like blocking a big stone, heavy and deep pain. In the tearful eyes, all I saw was the small figure of my son shaking before my eyes. When every night comes, it is also the time when yearning is deepest and thickest, yearning grows like weeds, full, tingling the heart. Countless sleepless nights, countless endless thoughts. Has the son grown taller? Will my son fall asleep without me telling stories at night?

The days passed quietly in the busyness of every day, and when all our savings were basically spent, my father-in-law's condition finally stabilized. Hospital leaders said that although paralyzed, can not take care of themselves, but there will be no bad development. Therefore, it is recommended to leave the hospital and go home. At this time, the son, who was old enough to go to kindergarten, finally picked him up from his mother.

I originally thought that after my son came back, I would make up for the debt I had owed him for half a year. I would give him endless warmth, love and company. However, at this time our family is not as well-off as before, a lot of things are not what I want to be able to achieve. Due to the escape of the driver of my father-in-law's car accident, the medical expenses of more than 300,000 made our family's life strapped for a time. When I get home from the hospital, it doesn't cost less than in the hospital. In order to prevent the father-in-law who was paralyzed in bed from getting bedsores, we bought inflatable mattresses and put them on his bed. Sputum suction was done with sputum suction tubes, and sputum suction was dipped in normal saline. For fear of his incontinence, he had to buy adult care mattresses. Every day, he had to change the gauze on the neck incision, the gauze had to be changed, the sterilized cotton balls and other things used every day were essential, and the money must be spent. Therefore, our daily living expenses will naturally be calculated carefully. I hardly ever buy toys or snacks for my son, and I buy very little fruit. As I spend all my time working and taking care of the elderly, I seldom take my son out to play. On many weekends, my son saw other children hanging out with adults, and he wanted me to show them around. However, I have a full schedule, and I can't always do what he wants. The child's little mind seemed to know a lot, and he asked me if I didn't want to take him out because I was afraid he wanted toys. He also said that he just wanted to go out to play and would not ask for toys. The pain in my heart was indescribable when I heard him ask like that. Over and over again, the heart is not only painful, but raw like a knife, bleeding and suffering. Tears twirled in the eyes and flowed in my heart. Whenever the dead of night, looking at my son's sleeping face, tearful eyes whirling, not only a little bit of guilt, I also know that my debt to my son is not only a little bit, but also swore that as long as I have time, I must take him out for a look. I have made such a wish in my heart again and again, but I have too many trifles, but it cannot be realized.

I remember clearly that weekend, when a friend came from afar, I went to the appointment. Before going out, my son wanted to follow. I hesitated for a moment, but when I thought about it, I always said I wanted to take her out to play. Why not take her with me at this opportunity? Then I decided to take it with me.

When I got to the Culture Square, my son wanted to stop and play for a while. I was afraid that my friend would not want to say yes for a long time. I told him that I would bring him here to play after I met my friend. But the son said in a begging tone: & lsquo; Mom, can I just play for five minutes? I promise I will only play and not buy things and will not spend money recklessly & rsquo;. When I heard my son say this, I felt like I was stabbed by something. It was sore and painful. Looking back on the past few years, I promised my son many times to take him out to play when he had time, but I never fulfilled my promise to him. So I decided to play with my son for a while and then go to my friend for an appointment. There are a lot of people in the square at the weekend. Some old people are singing Beijing Opera, some children are roller skating, and many middle-aged people are dancing in the square. (Meiwen appreciates) my son looked here and there. He ran to this side and then to that side. He was very excited and very happy. Although there are many people selling toys and delicious food in the square, my son just looked at them and didn't ask me to buy them. After a while, I saw my son running sweaty. I wanted to buy him a bottle of water, but he said he wasn't thirsty and wouldn't let me spend money. My son made me feel so sore that tears almost fell out. After playing for a few minutes, the son said: & lsquo; mother, is it five minutes? Let's go? Rsquo; thought that his hotel friend was still waiting there, so I left with my son.

When I come to the hotel where my friend is staying, my friend has been waiting there for a long time. As soon as my son and I entered his lounge, we saw that there was fruit on the table. Big red cherries and big red apples happen to be his son's favorites. I saw my son staring at the fruit. I knew he wanted to eat it, but he didn't take the initiative to get it. The friend probably saw it, too, so he picked up the cherry and handed it to his son to eat. But my son didn't reach out and looked at me. I could see that he wanted me to nod. When I saw the look in my son's eyes, my heart was stung by something again, but more of guilt. As I usually think about how to add nutrition to my child's grandfather, I ignore my child and haven't bought even the most common fruit for him a few times. At this time, my son saw the big cherries and apples prepared by his friends. I fully understand the salivation. Looking at my son's expectant eyes, I took the fruit from my friend's hand and handed it to him. My son couldn't wait to eat happily. My son ate with relish, but my heart seemed to have knocked over the five-flavor bottle, all kinds of tastes gathered among them, and my tears were hazy again.

There is a kind of love in the world: as long as you want, as long as I have; do what I can, do what I can. I love my children, just as parents all over the world love their own children. I want my son to be happy. I want my child to go sightseeing like other children. I can go sightseeing and buy whatever toys I want. Is it too high to buy whatever fruit you want? Such a request is really not too high, is it? But at this time, the heartache and tears of love flow to my heart, chewing the helplessness and bitterness of life alone.

Bingyu original