I am a foreign unmarried girl floating in Beijing. I was born in the second half of'78. But he seems to be under 28 years old. Although only 162 net height, but the proportion of the body is better. Temperament is also good, more like to dress up. The character is lively and cheerful. College degree, engaged in sales work. Because of hard work and strong business ability, performance is often the first. The leader tried to promote me several times, but because of my poor interpersonal skills, I was demoted after the promotion, or the position remained unchanged.
Up to now, apart from the two-month relationship between junior college and alumni, I have never been in a relationship. At that time, a headhunter advised me to do my job first, and it's not too late to find a boyfriend even when I'm 30 (I regret it now) because he says there are many good men who are in their 30s and haven't had a relationship yet. At that time, for me, a job that could solve the problem of food and clothing was more important than anything else. At that time, my job was very unstable, but I still fantasized about success all day long. I wanted to be a professional manager or start a business (I still want to start a business). I couldn't pass the probationary period in almost any company. I was depressed all the time. Until now, I have just recovered. And can be stable in the company for several years.
I remember you said that the father most influenced his daughter's view of choosing a mate. Before graduating from primary school, my parents were at odds with each other. I haven't heard from my father since he ran away from home. My brother and I live with my mother. At one point, I dared not approach good-looking men for fear that they would be unfaithful. As I grew older, I gradually matured, and I realized how wrong my words and deeds were when I saw spoiled women who were disgusting, unable to dress up and didn't like to dress up.
Now I don't know how to set my own criteria for choosing a mate. After signing up for two dating websites, I met 60 people on blind dates, but it hasn't been successful yet. Maybe I'm not clear enough about what I want. When I meet a man for the first time, men will guess that I am very demanding because in their eyes, I look good, young and in good shape after dressing up. And public relations etiquette. The group that takes office also has a strong background, with an income of nearly four thousand after tax. I feel that I want to find a person with good physical and mental health, good IQ, good job (large state-owned enterprises or institutions or good foreign enterprises or well-known private enterprises), the best age is older than me, the income must be higher than me, the appearance can not be as good as me. At present, the appointments are all unmarried men who have bought a house in Beijing. Add: previous work and other relationships, contact with management and entrepreneurs, can get along better.
However, among the unmarried men who have bought a house, I have not found a suitable one. So, which of the following should be my criteria for choosing a mate?
1) unmarried but did not buy a house in Beijing?
2) divorced have you bought a house in Beijing?
3) unmarried has bought a house, but the phase and I committed a big fight?
Of course, I know that I will marry whatever I encounter, but what if I intend to take the initiative to look for it?
Because there have been times of poor financial situation, I look forward to men with a good income; because I am afraid of divorce, I dare not consider divorced men; and because I hope to be happy, men who are five years and six years older than me are in conflict with each other. And dare not think about it. I beg the direct advice of teacher Su Qin. Because I am determined to get married in 2012. In addition, you say that couples who have experienced premarital cohabitation have a 46% higher divorce rate than those who marry without cohabitation, but if you don't try, how do you know if it is appropriate? Should we try to get married or not?
Letters from readers
Su Qin replied:
Frankly speaking, I was a little confused for a moment after reading this letter: I had never met a friend who could ask so many questions one after another in a letter.
When you comb through your thoughts and look at these questions again, you will understand why you are still single.
Because after reading this letter, I feel that you are not interested in love.
Take a look at your three questions about how to change the criteria for choosing a mate: unmarried but not buying a house in Beijing? Divorced has bought a house in Beijing? Unmarried has bought a house, but the minister and I are in big trouble?
In 78 single women, usually at this age, everyone wants to have a partner, and you are no exception. But for one thing, you are different from other women: they want to marry someone who has feelings and better have a house at the same time. On the other hand, you want to marry someone with a good job, good housing conditions and the right age. This is the difference. If you don't believe in love, you can guarantee a woman's happiness, even without a house.
If you don't believe me, I'll tell you: your criteria for choosing a mate are strict with each other's housing, income, age and working environment, and must meet your standards. It only doesn't matter about appearance, and even must find a man who is uglier than himself.
Maybe a lot of people will support you: it doesn't matter whether men are handsome or not.
Right. For others, it really doesn't matter. For you, this hides a different psychological signal: because in the relationship, the position, housing income, and so on, are all objective conditions, and they are only the external resources of marriage, only appearance, but with love and sex, conditions that are closely related. Therefore, when choosing a mate, many people have to choose an attractive partner, and that is because appearance is the key to harmony in the intimate relationship in the future.
But you don't care. You said you lacked sense of security. There is indeed this factor. But beyond that, it is also because you lack enthusiasm for love.
And I understand your state of mind. Since the father left without saying goodbye, the mainstay of a family has collapsed. You must have heard a lot of mother's complaints about marriage since childhood, so you have been distrustful of marriage and love. I even think that if this society can tolerate older leftover women indefinitely, if you can live happily in Beijing alone, you probably won't choose to get married at all.
So, even if you are in a hurry, you want to marry yourself off in 2012. In your current state, I don't think your marriage prospects are optimistic. Even if you find a man who is big enough, has good career prospects and looks a little worse than you. Similarly, such a marriage will not make you happier. Because of your current state of mind, marriage is still too far away.
There is no hurry for a good marriage. You may be 34 years old, but from the experience of falling in love, you have no more than a 24-year-old girl. Now, whether you can talk to yourself first, convince yourself to put down the house ticket and a series of conditions, first find a man, eye-to-eye man, talk about love. Men with good conditions, women want to meet. But for a woman who has not really experienced a deep love, it is difficult for you to catch such a man even if you meet him.
Wen / Su Qin
Post a comment