Everything is fine with him, as long as I am by his side, I will have great courage to move forward. Even if some people have stabbed a knife deeply in your heart, the sweetness in retrospect is far greater than the pain.
Now I am walking alone on the boulevard of a university campus full of ginkgo biloba leaves, surrounded by the damp smell of the soil just after the rain, but charming. Looking up, the sun passed through the gap between the leaves. I was good at covering my eyes and slightly raising the corners of my mouth, recalling the early days of love in junior high school.
I think almost everyone has their first love. My first love met when I was in junior high school. Our junior high school is a private middle school, which needs to be admitted by examination. He entered at the top of my class. I like a person will not be superficial to see the results, of course, this has nothing to do with whether I like him or not. Just when I knew him, I found that he was fair-skinned, tall and thin, so thin that his bones were clearly visible, and he looked very lofty. On weekdays, he has little expression, feels seldom smiling, and the corners of his mouth are flat, neither up nor down, as if nothing matters to him. But once someone talks to him, he will smile happily and always feel that he looks good when he smiles. I was a little curious at the beginning.
To tell you the truth, at that time, I was open-mouthed, brave, peaceful and always smiling, which was what everyone said most in the graduation record, but with the pride in my bones, I recognized myself quite well. When I was a teenager, I always felt that the sun was very bright, nothing could disturb me, and nothing could affect me, until I met him, he also looked fresh and refined. And because of the same direction of living, it is easy to meet both at school and after school. He always holds the pole of the car, his eyes firmly looking ahead, the veins on the wrist are clearly visible, and the thin back is engraved on my mind. In this way, I met a hello when I got on the bus. He stood in front and I sat in the back. That's it, for a long time.
But I really don't remember how we started talking more. Gradually we are familiar with it, but it is just a simple greeting in the car, and more exchanges are still on campus. He always speaks neatly and gently, and has helped me many times, both in life and in study, and gradually changed my impression of him. I feel that he is very affectionate and warm-hearted, and he can get close to someone who won't get hurt. When he was a freshman, his grades were as good as usual, ranking first in his class.
Occasionally mentioned it to my mother, but she told me that he and I are from the same primary school, and very famous. But what shocked me was that my mother said that he interfered with other people's study in primary school. He was a very resourceful and annoying guy. I can't accept it, and I don't believe it, because it's completely different from the guy I know. I can only believe what I see! In this way, I said silently in my heart: it is ridiculous that those people made such ridiculous statements just because they were jealous of him. I don't know how I believed so firmly in a person I didn't know very well, and I never thought how disappointed I would be later. It was not so easy to forget my mother's words, and for the first time in history, I didn't take my mother's words to heart.
At that time, my grade in the class was in the middle of the class, and I promised that I would learn as well as him, so that I could become the person he cared about. For me, I want to study well not because of my parents' expectations, nor because of sudden awakening, considering the future and fate, but the simple, sweet feeling of secret love without a trace of distractions. Don't say that I'm just in love and don't know what love is, because until now when I'm old enough to get married, I can still be sure and responsibly say that my feelings for him at that time were love and desperate love.
At that time, I studied hard, day or night. In order to get close to him, I borrowed the homework I had written from him to compare the written content and compare my ideas. At first I was rather shy, worried about whether he would like it or not, but to my surprise, he gladly agreed, and often gave it to me after he had finished writing. I was secretly happy, maybe he cared about me, too. Having been independent, I even relied on him later. I knew it was dangerous, but I really had an unspeakable throbbing to him.
We had the opportunity to go to cram school together. At that time, I was very happy and sometimes left a place for him next to me. I still remember that once, a more cheerful girl next to me touched his hand, even in a joke. I don't know how much courage I mustered at that time before I gently touched his white and delicate hand, and a stream of heat poured into my body. I was so nervous. I saw his face blushing. I don't know if it was because it was too hot or because I was shy. When I realized what I had done, I quickly turned my head, took my hand away, and said nothing. After class, I saw his mother, and I felt that his mother's eyes seemed to tell me that she hated me to be near her precious son. Since I was a child, it was easy to read other people's minds. My heart thumped, and it really hurt. After that day, I still borrowed homework from him as usual to discuss problems with each other. I know I regard him as my good companion, a person I can't forget. Sometimes I can't help looking back at him in class. Sometimes I see his leisurely turn of pen, his figure has been deeply engraved into my mind; sometimes the line of sight will be right, I will quickly escape from his eyes. I think he should also know what I think. I thought that with such a little effort, I could get close to him and make him my lover.
I still remember the day when I went back to school after the exam. It was a day when light could quietly follow me. I sat down and my deskmate said to me that I was the first in the class. I was very happy and uncomfortable in my heart. My original idea was that he could take the first place in the exam, and it would be good if I could follow him next. I think if I overtook him, he would think that I was taking advantage of him. At that time, I didn't know where I came from. I was so uneasy that I didn't have the joy of knowing my grades. But when I saw that his scores ranked more than ten, I was even more frightened. How can I comfort him? will he accept my comfort now? Thinking like this, I caught up with him after school and whispered to him, "play less games and study hard." I don't know what else I can say or do.
Later, I didn't borrow my homework from him again, not because my opinion of him had changed, but because I didn't know what to do. How should a person who does well in the exam say so? How can I get close to him if I don't borrow it? What will he think of me? Many questions disappeared in a very quiet and ordinary afternoon.
It was a normal afternoon. I talked to a lot of girls, and I don't know how we talked about him. They said he never told them when they asked him questions. I argued that he would tell them. I didn't want to hear the truth, let alone admit that it was the truth. At that time, I attached great importance to this aspect. Moreover, I hope that the people I like are kind, and the people I like will be as helpful as I am. Maybe in your opinion, this person is a happy thing to you and others, which seems to imply that you are at least different from other girls in his eyes, but to me, it's like a bolt from the blue. I can't help thinking of what my mother said before. Now I have to believe it! I don't want this to be the real him! If you ask me, if he is not so enthusiastic, I will like him, the answer is yes! I'm gonna love him! And I was really hurt at that time, but I was deeply in love with him, I could not leave him, but I had my principles and bottom line, and he successfully broke it, so that I could hear the sound of the bottom line breaking. My heartache, dare not face him, dare not try to get close to him, do not know what to do is right. So I made the first mistake I made in my life and confessed my love to someone who seemed to like me. What made me even more unexpected was that he actually accepted me, and I fell in love like this. I know it's not right! I knew that from then on I was no longer a good girl, but a bad girl and a person who used to use others that I hated. I'm such an asshole! In this way, the chaos came to an end, and there was one more person to rely on. What I didn't notice was that my boyfriend was his best friend. Every time I walk with my lover and meet him, I don't know what kind of expression I should put on. I can see the embarrassment in his eyes.
I have been in love with that man for a year, and I have done my duty. I share troubles with him, laugh together, and have a lot of good memories. I felt sorry for him at that time, but I knew we all had a lot of responsibilities, and I tried hard to comfort him and protect him. After all, we gave each other a lot of strength and encouragement during our time together. A year later, a month after we graduated, we broke up. In fact, I still don't know the reason for the breakup. I cried sadly, but it was also a kind of relief for me. Although I cherish the time I spent with him, I should also say goodbye when I break up.
But the shadow of my first love is still in my mind, and I can't let it go. I am not very clear about his intentions, nor do I know if I have failed him. I do not know if he will feel that I have betrayed him.
Later, after a long time, when I met him in another remedial class, I asked him for help. He just perfunctorily told me lies, and I finally knew that I was the same as others in his eyes. I hope he didn't like me, because only in this way can I forgive myself a little bit. Although I know that my failure to walk with him is more of his problem, I blame myself and hate myself for being bound by my own bottom line before I enter the society. Later, it seemed that he had a girlfriend, but his heart was bitter. (Mei Wen net)
After so many years, I still remember that he happened to say that his favorite English song was We Are The World.
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