Face is the most difficult thing for people to put down, and it is also the most useless thing.
Maupassant's short story Necklace was read when he was a child.
The heroine Matilde is the wife of a small civil servant.
In order to attend a party, she borrowed a diamond necklace from her rich girlfriend to set off her beauty.
However, the necklace was lost accidentally on the way home, so she had to borrow money to buy a new necklace and give it back to her friend.
In order to pay off her debts, she began to shrink her clothes and go on a diet, doing short-term jobs for others, and worked hard for ten years.
At last she realized that what she had borrowed was only a fake diamond necklace.
It took ten years of hard work to repay it for the sake of temporary face. Face is really the most expensive thing in the world.
At that time, I only thought it was a fictional and interesting story, but now the reader feels that it is deeply piercing.
Many people in reality are not Matilde. For the sake of an illusory face, let the life which is not easy bear undue weight.
Feng Tang once shared his nine-character motto in dealing with the world:
Don't worry, don't be afraid, shameless.
Shameless means to put down face, do not care about the eyes of outsiders, dare to express your true self, and dare to pursue what you really want.
I found that those shameless people, live the most free and easy, the most comfortable, the most easy to control their own life.
When I was in college, I went to the mall to buy cosmetics in order to learn makeup for the first time.
When I tried on makeup at a counter, the shopping guide put foundation on me and eye makeup on me. The self in the mirror is a little less green and more mature and beautiful.
Small and delicate boxes, like small magic boxes, are neatly arranged in front of me. But when I looked at the price, I hesitated.
The shopping guide on one side said, "Miss, ours is a big brand and the price is more expensive." A contemptuous tone and impatient eyes.
I'm not calm: what do you mean? Does that mean I can't afford it? I want to buy it for you!
Pay by card and watch a small ticket slip out of the cash register. Pretend to be smart and sign your name, 1500 dollars, and a month's living expenses will go down the drain.
The next two months, tighten the belt to live, no matter how beautiful makeup can not hide the embarrassment of life.
If I had only declined with a smile at that time, I would not have asked for trouble and asked for trouble if I could end the matter with only one word.
However, in order to save face in front of an insignificant stranger, I sentenced my life to prison and greatly reduced my quality of life.
And what benefits does face bring to me?
The shopping guide would not be impressed by me because of this. All I got was the embarrassment of being kidnapped in face, as well as regret and self-blame afterwards.
Not that these things are bad, but that they are not suitable for my spending power at that time.
How big the head is, how big the cap is. What suits you most is the most comfortable living condition.
Some people say: children are more face-saving than adults in many times, because the world is small, so all the little things are not small.
I think those who have experienced the vicissitudes of life have long learned the wisdom of life:
No matter how important face is, it is not as important as life; no matter how good-looking it is, it is not as comfortable as your inner ease.
The lower the level of people, the more they take face seriously.
Psychology mentions that people have two states of true self and false self.
The living environment and education will make us lost and don't know what we really need at the bottom of our hearts, so we can only use social evaluation to know ourselves.
Try your best to get what others envy. Society will try its best to live what it thinks is good.
Many of us are in a state of false self, because we live in the eyes and opinions of others, but forget to pay attention to ourselves.
There is a sentence in "the Grandmaster" that warns people:
When people live in the world, some live to save face, and some live to become Lizi.
Yes, many people live a lifetime without knowing it without knowing it.
My younger sister from my hometown is a face-saving person in everyone's eyes.
In college, when everyone was still searching for brands of affordable skin care products and clothes with high sex price, she had already started to use expensive big brands of skin care products and wear high-grade clothes.
At first, everyone thought that this girl's family was better off, and there was nothing wrong with it.
But later found that she is actually very hard on herself, reluctant to eat a big meal, reluctant to see a movie, reluctant to buy a book, also reluctant to travel.
It turned out that her family was very well-off, but her parents were living frugally in order to give her more living expenses.
Later, she went to work, just graduated with a salary of three or four thousand, swiping her credit card, and happily buying popular color lipstick and designer bags.
Looks like a beautiful urban white-collar woman.
But I found that the younger sister is still not good to herself. Once, I recommended a very easy-to-wear underwear to her. The price was more than 200, which was less than the money for a piece of clothing, but she repeatedly said that she could not afford it.
I advised her, but she said: underwear in the inside, others can not see, why care so much.
On the contrary, I once saw a male classmate wearing old jeans and carrying an old backpack with MacbookPro in it every day.
Maybe he knows clearly that this thing in his backpack is his favorite thing.
In my opinion, life is oneself, and it is better to pay more attention to your own needs than to pay attention to a compliment or a look from others.
The real quality of life is not measured by the eyes of the outside world, but by knowing how to pay for what you really need.
In meeting the unknown self, Zhang Defen once mentioned that the root of all suffering comes from not knowing who we are, and blindly clinging to and pursuing things that do not represent us.
If you pay too much attention to the face made up of famous brands and other external things, you will only slowly lose your true self and your happiness in life.
I saw an interesting question in Zhihu:
When I had steak with the girl for the first time, the girl told the waiter that she wanted medium well. What should I say to ease the embarrassment?
Zhihu netizen he he wrote down the answer, which was highly praised.
One night at Pizza Hut, two people came to the next table, one with a large bottle of vodka in his hand, and they sat there talking and laughing.
The man with the bottle waved his hand and said, "Boss, order!" The waiter brought the menu with a black line on his face.
The man looked at the menu and said to the boy opposite, "how about drinking two cold dishes first? how about one meat and one vegetarian?"
The one on the other side said: how do you win, you see.
The waiter interrupted: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't have any cold dishes.
The man pointed to the salad on the menu and said, Ah? Isn't that right? Waiter: this is a salad, sir.
That man: yes, what I want is salad. Get me a plate, have a meat, and make a roast squid.
What do you eat as a staple food?
The boy on the other side took the menu: I eat a piece of beef (the boy points to sirloin steak on the menu).
What are you eating?
The man said, I eat cakes. And ordered pizza.
During the ordering process, the two were calm and in high spirits, and the waiter could not stop from a black line to a smile.
Although these two people are too grandiose, but the food is wonderful, eat happily, I listen to it is also interesting.
The answer ends with a sentence like this: you eat, not eat you.
There is nothing in the world to worry about.
The boy who raised this question sincerely felt that it was an awkward situation. In fact, it was because he cared so much about face that he didn't know what to do about a small thing.
It's like putting your own life on the monitor, living carefully in the eyes and evaluation of others, it's hard to make a big pattern.
What I admire is the ordering person in the story, because to put down face generously, it can subvert the views of the people around you.
Such a person has absolute control over life.
Most of the people who accomplish great things are such shameless people.
Li Ka-shing once said:
When you lose face and make money, it shows that you are sensible.
When you use your money to save face, it means you have succeeded.
When you can make money with face, it shows that you are already a person.
When you still stay there drinking, bragging, do not know anything and pretend to know, only love the so-called face, it means that this is your life.
However, it is easier to know than to do, and too many people have been trapped for life by saving face and have never lived for themselves.
Face is the most difficult thing for people to put down, and it is also the most useless thing. Yi Shu's words express the helplessness of many people.
Only those who learn how to lay down this useless burden have the strength to carry the more important things in life and move forward.
For them, shameless, only from the heart, live the most comfortable.