Once a lot of people asked me, what on earth is high EQ?
I didn't have a good definition of high EQ before. It wasn't until one day when I went out with two friends that I realized where high EQ was.
01
In the middle of this summer, I went out with two friends, both of whom are my friends, but neither of them has met.
One of the friends was dark. When he was out running errands, another friend kindly sent sunscreen to his dark-skinned friend.
But the darker-skinned friend declined politely, and then another friend whispered to me: if you don't wear sunscreen, you must be getting darker and darker.
Later, when we finished our business, we were in a better mood and went shopping together.
The kind-hearted friend also specially selected two clothes that could be worn with dark skin for the darker friend.
The dark-skinned friend didn't know what to do.
Later, after repeated frustrations, the kind friend complained that the dark-skinned friend was really difficult to serve.
In fact, what the kind friend doesn't know is that the dark-skinned friend only goes to the beauty salon to get a tan, but he just prefers a darker complexion.
After I told my kind-hearted friend about this, the kind-hearted friend still couldn't understand. How could anyone like his black skin? It is obvious that all ugliness is covered in white.
After this incident, I found that the embodiment of high EQ is that even if I see through it, I will not tell the truth.
With this kind of person, there will be a special sense of comfort, he will not deliberately create a warm feeling for you, will only make you feel comfortable.
02
In the Romance of Mom and Dad, Matthew's father died.
After the funeral, his friends will deliberately tolerate him, even if he says something irrelevant, they will try their best to tolerate him.
His friends felt they had to be there for Matthew when he needed him.
But one day Matthew said:
In fact, you do not have to do this, I can feel what you are doing, I do not want you to deliberately tolerate me, I just want everything to return to normal. When I do something stupid, you can still complain about me at will.
A good interpersonal relationship follows not only the concepts and preferences of both parties, but also an important factor is to abide by the psychological boundaries of both parties.
The so-called psychological boundary is the red line between one's self-esteem and sense of security.
Sometimes we deliberately protect a person's self-esteem, which will only be counterproductive.
We need to normalize a seemingly awkward thing, which is the embodiment of high EQ.
03
I once met a disabled person on the subway.
The moment he stepped on the subway, I stood up and gave up my seat. But he didn't want to take that seat.
Before, I always thought it was really difficult to get along with people. When people said you were indifferent, they said you were too enthusiastic. Where is the line? it seems that everything you do is wrong.
Later, I found out that my behavior of giving up my seat at that time was very inappropriate.
I just wanted to make myself feel good about myself. I didn't really take into account the feelings of the disabled person at all.
For that disabled person, what he really needs is not for me to care and give up my seat.
What he really needs is for others to treat him as a normal person, not as a disabled person.
Sometimes, the flood of kindness will only make some anachronistic reactions and cause more misunderstandings.
Kindness itself is not a black-and-white word, it is actually a neutral state.
To see through and not to tell is a kind of non-exposure and non-interference, which gives people a sense of freedom and comfort.
Therefore, true goodness is not based on self-satisfaction, but on the ability of both parties to interact comfortably.
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