This year's summer vacation is particularly boring, perhaps because I finished the college entrance examination and have nothing to do, maybe it is because I am really bored. I tried to calm myself down, and then the memory rolled, and I thought of a person in my primary school. She is surnamed Cao, is my deskmate, is from out of town, with a rare simplicity, but also very kind.
At that time, we brought rice and vegetables to the canteen to steam rice. She would bring more dishes every time. She said that it was cooked for her by her mother. She liked it very much. She wanted to share it with her friends. And I was her deskmate, and naturally became her first friend here (she thinks so). But at that time, I didn't know what friendship was. I was dismissive of her at all, but every time I ate her food, I was very kind to her, and she never said anything, so that in my eyes, all this was taken for granted.
Sometimes we will have contradictions, I will scold her severely, scold her stupid, scold her annoyance, scold her as an outsider. At that time, she must be very sad, very angry, she came to this strange place, how much she wanted to have friends, but I trampled on her efforts at will, without a trace of shame, even after I finished talking about her, there was a sense of victory. I was secretly happy. She asked me: you don't want to be friends with me? I looked at her, but she didn't seem to be strong enough in a whisper, and then we were all silent.
I remember another time, when several boys in the class beat a girl, she asked me to tell the teacher with her. I thought I must have wanted to be praised by the teacher at that time, so I agreed to go together. But when I was done, I was afraid of what the boys would do to me, so when a boy asked me if I was a snitch, I denied that he was my deskmate. To tell you the truth, I did feel regret and fear at that time, because I felt betrayed and I was betraying her. I was afraid that those boys would bully her, and I was also afraid that she would ask me: why did she regard me as a friend and I betrayed her?
Fortunately, she was fine, but she didn't talk to me much, but I was only a little sad and didn't think about it, because I didn't feel sorry for her because I thought she was okay. However, if I thought about it carefully at that time, I might find that the reason why I cared about her feelings was that before I knew it, I already regarded her as a friend. I was afraid that she would be angry, sad, and that she would no longer talk to me. If I had been more mature at that time, I would have known that as long as I said I was sorry, she would have comforted a lot. But I didn't know anything. I didn't think about anything. I didn't do anything.
It was not until the end of the semester, when she told me that she was going back to her hometown next semester, that I felt a sudden burst of heart and tears in my eyes, but I still didn't say anything. Just went to the shop to buy a cheap bracelet for one yuan (I only had one yuan at that time), and then gave it to her, and she asked me: are we friends? As a result of choking, it sounds so insincere that I want to say it again, but I can't say it. I don't know what she thought at that time, whether I wanted her to remember me, or whether I thought I was so hypocritical that I didn't care to learn to give gifts to adults.
In fact, we also have a lot of good memories, for example, I took her to the place I often went to catch tadpoles, I took her to play with other classmates, I asked her to fold the stars and teach her to read English. I don't know whether her memories of us are good or bad, the reason why memories always look good is that we add too many gorgeous fragments to it, and that it is not good because it hurts too much. I don't want to be the second one.
All the time, I used it as an excuse that we were too young at that time, but now, the person I hurt, I really want to say: I'm sorry, I really want to be friends with you.
I don't know where my friend is now, but we must cherish the friends around us. Don't be like me. If you are not careful, it will become a pity.
This summer vacation is really boring, and now my face is sweating.
Author: centrifugation
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