My mom says she always suffers when she's with me.
For example, if she missed the bus outside and didn't know how to get home, she would call me, and I told her the way home, but she didn't go home several times, and finally called me to tell me that she was lost; or I talked to her while she was chopping cucumbers, and then she accidentally cut her finger. For example, when we went shopping, she was chatting in the back. I kept pushing her, and then she left her keys at home.
She kept talking about how hard and hard she was, and then one day I found her Taobao account and spending records for the last three months, a dozen dazzling Korean, Japanese and bohemian dresses.
In summer, I could eat seven or eight cups of sundaes a day, and she said that I spent enough money on sundaes to support her for a week. But once I came back from school and saw her holding a cup of strawberry sundaes full of big fruit in one hand and a large bag of vegetables in the other. I deliberately followed her and watched her lick the sundae and chew the mango and dillydally along the side of the road. I suddenly stopped her, and she turned around and hid the sundae in her hand behind her. My eyes caught her right hand hidden behind her, and then she gave me the hidden sundae with an aggrieved expression of pity and reluctance. I looked at the ice cream left on her mouth and burst out laughing.
My mother can only cook two dishes, which are tomato, egg noodle and egg tomato noodle. Obviously they are the same dish, but my mother wants to divide them very clearly. The reason is that tomato and egg noodles are put first and then eggs, while egg and tomato noodles are put first and then tomato. Every time I say that it is better to eat instant noodles than to eat her noodles, she will poke her meat pile on her face and say that I am ungrateful.
My mother often sends me text messages saying that she is lonely, but in fact, she is not lonely at all. if there is no one at home, she can live from morning till night, doing yoga and mixing salad, even though she is a woman. but it's enough to mess up the kitchen like a ten-year-old. My mother always likes to walk like Obasang in Japan with slippers. I say she is asking for trouble. She says she is learning good living habits from Japanese women. I say she worships foreigners.
My mother said that she used to be a class girl when she was young, and she was easy to show off her long-treasured DIY era. Although my indifference and disdain made her boring, she secretly opened her baby box, which was more important than my father and me, when she was away, and it was filled with a lot of things, glass beads that I couldn't play with when I was three years old. There are colorful buttons that have lost paint, and even a handful of hair tied up with pink butterflies. It took a lot of effort to find her big head sticker. I stared at the black-and-white jagged picture for a long time. She was 16 or 17 years old at that time, as old as I am now. She wore an oblique braid on one side of her head and jagged long hair on the other side. I thought she was really beautiful, but when I thought of her curved meat pie face now. It's like being poured cold water on the spot.
Later, when she showed off to me, I showed a picture of sa Dingding, saying that she had the ability to predict the future. She asked me who this was, and I said you in a previous life.
Since Wang Baoqiang went to the Spring Festival Gala that year, she has fallen in love with the person who looks stupid in my eyes. She didn't know where to get a faded suit of migrant workers, just like young people playing Cosplay when they were bored. She put on the uniform of migrant workers and sang "my parents live in the country" endlessly in front of me.
In my memory, I also forgot when she began to put on weight. It was probably the time when she encountered a squib when she set off fireworks during the Spring Festival, and then she went to the point. Unexpectedly, when I had just put the cannon in the palm of my hand, the cannon exploded. At that time, she herself was frightened and fainted. My father New Year's Eve and I sent her to the hospital at night. After simple treatment, the doctor said it was all right. When the injury healed, the doctor said it was all right. She had to say that she had hurt her vitality and wanted to make up for herself, and then she ate endlessly every day, and then she became fatter and fatter, and the swimming circle on her abdomen changed from the original one to the fourth floor now. I always look like a giant hamburger. The original V-shaped face has now become a national face, and the meat on her thighs trembles as he walks. However, she is also a child, often worried that she wants to lose weight and comfort herself that she is fat at such an old age. My mother often raised her fleshy arms and asked me if she was slim, and then I smiled hypocritically at her with a look of disdain, saying that she was a living beauty of the Tang Dynasty, and she pinched my face and said she had a white-eyed wolf.
I forgot to mention that the cannon she fired that time was called the sky monkey, which is the kind of small cannon that a six-year-old can play with.
When I was in the sixth grade, my mother became infatuated with jazz again, and then she begged me to go to a dance class. I asked her why. She said she wanted to teach her how to dance when I learned how to dance jazz. I deliberately said that she is flexible, but can you dance? She showed me a move she had just learned from the computer. I said, if you have the ability to teach yourself, why do you want me to teach you? she rubbed her face against my face. This is a coquettish way invented by my mother herself. it was fatal to me and my father. I pushed her away impatiently and said OK, and then she danced and ran to sign me up.
My mother is also crazy about shopping. I am pulled out by her to sweep the Commodity Market every weekend. In fact, her goal is for me to carry things for her. She is like this. She has the natural endurance of women. My mother has been shopping from the first floor to the seventh floor for a whole day. She showed me the way in the crowd empty-handed, and I took her large and small bags of trophies and complained slowly to a person behind her. My mother is very good at bargaining. She and the landlady grind for a full hour for a pair of silk stockings she likes. Finally, the landlady sold the silk stockings to her at a 15% discount because her mouth was dry. My mother happily handed me the silk stockings and told me to find a woman who knows how to bargain as a wife, so as to ensure that I would eat and wear without worry. I asked her, if you marry my father, my father will suffer. She knew what I meant, gave me a hard look, and then took small steps to guerrilla among the crowd.
Although my mother is infatuated with Wang Baoqiang, she is not unwilling to accept other people, such as Li Yuchun. She knows almost everything about Li Yuchun. When she was Super Girl in 2005, my mother even used all her connections to get a ticket for the live broadcast of Super Girl, and then mobilized all the people she knew to vote for Li Yuchun. I think the reason why Li Yuchun is so popular A large part of the power came from my mother. Three days before the live broadcast, my mother bought a plane ticket and flew to Changsha. after she landed, she called me, saying that Changsha was the Fire Mountain. I gloated on the phone that she had brought it on herself, but she said she was willing to give anything for her favorite Chunchun. I scolded her for blind worship, so she raised her tone and said I was naked jealousy.
What I never expected was that on the night of the live broadcast, the camera gave my mother a friendly close-up. I watched my mother foolishly make a V gesture on TV with a big smiley face. I thought that this woman was really childlike. Later, she told me that she was standing in the middle of Li Yuchun's fan phalanx that day, everyone held posters and held up lights or something, but she didn't, and then she took the cardboard box picked up at the scene and made a sign herself, which said Chunchun was the best and loved Chunchun best. she shouted loudly among her fans, and she wept excitedly when Chunchun came out. When she said all this, she looked extremely proud and enjoyable. Later, she encouraged me to go to the draft. I said, Mom, don't joke. She said disapprovingly that when I stood up, she would be a hundred times crazier than that.
My mother was much darker when she flew back from Changsha. I said that your skin color could finally blend with your dark circles under your eyes, and then she went to the cosmetics store the next day to blackmail a large bag of free samples.
When I said with a wry smile that she was pretending to be poor, she said I wanted it or not.
During the summer vacation, my mother learned all the songs from Li Yuchun's new album. She took me to KTV that afternoon. I said, "how dare you go to such a place?" she said, "Why don't you dare to have my son here?" I said I don't want it. In the dark atmosphere of KTV, my mother sang all afternoon. She filled a whole list of songs by Li Yuchun and Wang Baoqiang. I was tortured all afternoon under her broken gong voice. She asked me to grade her before she finished singing a song. If I failed, I had to sing it again, so I had to lie to her that every song sang a soul. Who knew she was like a chicken blood after hearing this sentence. I sang the song on the playlist again.
It was 06:30 in the evening when I came out from KTV. I rubbed my bleary eyes and my ears were half cut by a water pistol. She took me by the hand and ran across the road, and I shivered in the cold wind at night. My mom said she was going to eat McDonald's. I said she was really free. She said she was hungry, so I said all right, let's go to McDonald's.
She turned back and forth at McDonald's that night. I sat opposite her and watched her gobble it up silently. I said eat slowly. She told me that this was her first time to eat McDonald's. I was suddenly moved when I looked at her fleshy face. So I went to the dining table and added another set meal. She looked at me in surprise. I said reward you, because you sang so well this afternoon.
She smiled, looked at me, and then went on working hard. I looked at her again and smiled naively.
Later, I found out that it was her wedding anniversary with my father, and because my father went out of town on business, she had to choose me to accompany her.
It seems that all my mother's secrets will be pierced by me, for example, she secretly bought a hat from the Internet today, went to the record store to buy a Chunchun record tomorrow, bought Wang Baoqiang's photo and ate a McDonald's the day after tomorrow.
But I will not take the initiative to expose her, because, because
Because I don't know.
My mother doesn't know any skills that women have to know, such as sewing, but when she was infatuated with cross-stitch, her feminine charm increased several times. She often talked to me while sewing cross-stitches. She talked to me about her first love again. She said that she was 17 years old at that time and liked a boy in her neighboring class. The boy was not handsome, but he was very attractive. The boy has black skin, cheerful personality, well-developed motor cells, and can dance (that's why she told me later that he wanted me to learn to dance), every time she brushed past a boy. Her heart was about to jump out of her throat, and then she plucked up the courage to express her love to the boy. Unexpectedly, the boy wrote him a love letter in advance, and then she agreed to the boy. I interrupted to say that the pink envelope in that box was your first love, and she said she didn't want me to talk nonsense, or my father would be angry. I smiled and said that if the boy saw you now, he would be very disappointed. When she heard this, she was very angry and made the action of stabbing me with a needle.
In fact, whenever she tells her story, she is very happy and satisfied. My mother has dimples, and the dimples bloom like honey when she smiles. Maybe it's because of my mother's rich experience that she is as crazy as she is now.
My mother likes to chase Korean TV dramas. When watching "watching and watching", my mother stayed up all night until 0.1 tears of snot scolded the bad woman. When watching "Dae Jang Geum", my mother wanted to eat it on TV every time she cooked a dish. When watching "Blue Love", my mother kept complaining why she didn't find such a good man.
Every night my mother is fully prepared to compete with me for TV. She seems to have countless reasons to ask me to hand over the control of the remote control to her tonight, and I don't buy it from her. finally, my father invented a way to solve this problem.
That is to buy another TV festival.
Since then, our family has been much quieter at night.
Another problem my mother has is to explain to others while watching TV dramas, for example, what happened just now, who fell in love with whom, who broke it, who had a car accident, and for example, what may happen below. Otherwise, I say that my mother's ability to predict the future is super, and she is very energetic after she says everything she says.
So I can't really get into it when I watch a play with her, because there is such a person who can't stop, who can settle down?
Every time I watch a play and see the finale, my mother seems to be relieved to express her feelings and teach me to learn from so-and-so, not as sinister and evil as so-and-so in it.
Sometimes I am quite proud of myself and can grow up healthily and tenaciously under my mother's torment over the years.
When I left home in my freshman year of high school, I saw my mother cry for the first time. When she packed her bags for me, she bowed her head, but I saw her eyes red. Later, my father told me that she burst into tears the moment she put me in the car. I also said that it was not so serious, but it was really so serious.
Because since then, my mother has lost a good assistant for shopping, a good listener in life, a good guest at the dinner table, and a good customer when watching TV.
On the wedding anniversary of the following year, I was at school, my father was on a business trip, and my mother spent it on her own.
I secretly asked for leave to go to the KTV I went to with her last year. I bought a bunch of flowers for my mother in advance and made a card for myself. The card was not signed, and the flowers were secretly sent home. I was right. Sure enough, she came to the KTV again. I booked the room in advance, bought a fruit bowl and cake, and prepared a present for her.
When she came in, I gave her a huge Surprise.
I hid in a corner of the sofa and suddenly jumped out and gave her a good kiss on the face. That afternoon, I sang Li Yuchun's new song, ate cake and chatted with her, then went to the bookstore to buy photos, went to the video store to buy albums, and went to McDonald's to order her favorite Chicken McNuggets.
I watched my mother gobble it down and shed tears in front of her for the first time.
/ Wang Yukun / tr. by Phil Newell)
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