Recently, a little thing happened to my son, which changed my prejudice against dawdling!
I had to wake up early that day because I had something to do. I woke up my son at 6:30. He was a little agitated and shameless when he didn't wake up.
Thinking that he must leave home at 7:00, I urged him to dress quickly;
See him Leng in the washstand, urge to brush your teeth quickly;
See him have a mouthful not a mouthful to eat, urge to eat quickly.
The more times I urged, the more I felt that the child was deliberately disagreeing with me, and didn't care about anything. Delaying would only delay time.
On the way out, I threw him my socks unkindly, adding: put them on.
At this time, my son sat on the ground, how can not wear well, anxious I opened the door, he was a cry wow, crying and said: Mom, I can not fast!
Looking at my son's collapse, I suddenly realized that early in the morning, I indirectly transferred my anxiety to the child, and the fast-paced and urgent sense had already destroyed the child's thinking ability.
After his outburst, he sat down more frustrated and looked at me pitifully.
It doesn't matter if you slow down a little. Mom's waiting for you!
These words seemed to have magic power, and he quickly put on his socks.
A writer said: I, sitting on the steps in the light of the setting sun, watched this clear-eyed child concentrate on one thing.
Yes, I would wait a lifetime for him to tie this bow in his own time, with his five-year-old fingers.
Take your time, son. Take your time.
Education is slow art
Education, sometimes is slow art, parents can not rush, also can not urge.
Only when parents calm down, children have the opportunity to grow up according to their own life trajectory.
My friend Xiao Li was very crazy some time ago.
Mother-in-law said she would come to her house to live for a month. She thought that she would not live together all the year round. A temporary month would be easy to pass.
Mother-in-law born impetuous son, still nagging.
From the first day, she kept urging her son.
When eating, say eat quickly; when sending the child to school, say go quickly; the child is doing homework in the room, she also runs in from time to time, say do it quickly.
See children go to the toilet, will subconsciously urge a sentence: hurry up.
At first she said tactfully to her mother-in-law: Mom, don't worry, let the child take his time.
Mother-in-law eyes a glance, especially disgusted with her said: you do not urge a little, how can he grow up?!
A few days later, because the child does not adapt, emotional fluctuations are very large, and especially love slow.
His usual good behavior was suddenly full of problems.
Do not take the initiative to eat, do not take the initiative to read, do not take the initiative to do homework.
Seeing that the child did not do well, her mother-in-law urged her even more.
She finally couldn't help but contradict her mother-in-law in an unfriendly tone: The child is at this age, you always urge him, he can't grow up at once!
Mother-in-law a pique, early return home.
In fact, according to her previous parenting style, children can eat and dress according to their own rhythm, brush their teeth and wash their faces, read books and write homework.
Parents slow down not only to catch their breath, but also to let their children perceive life, feel the surrounding environment, understand the world and think about the future.
Of course, children will not become irresponsible and dilatory because of temporary dawdling.
On the contrary, parents 'tolerance and understanding will give him more space to think, and learn to deal with and arrange things by himself in every attempt.
Mother's urging song
A long time ago, I heard a song from my mother.
As soon as the song came out, it was played wildly on foreign websites.
American comedian Anita Landflower wrote and sang "Mama Song."
The 48-year-old mother of three had an epiphany when she wrote songs about her urging her children.
The whole song was composed of only one mother's urgent and unquestionable urging:
Wake up, wake up, wake up!
Wash your face, brush your teeth, comb your hair!
These are your clothes, your shoes, are you listening?
Get up!
Then remember to fold the quilt!
Is it hot?
Is it cold?
Do you wear that outside?
Your book, your lunch, your homework.
The whole song means, in short: hurry up, hurry up, or it's too late!
In real life, when a child doesn't behave the way the parent wants, the parent will urge the child to do the same thing once, twice, three times, or even four or five times.
The child may feel guilty at first, but the more he or she is urged, the more guilt turns into impatience, and eventually into disgust, dislike, and even hatred of the parent's behavior.
Psychology has a very well-known effect, called overrun effect due to excessive stimulation, too strong or too long a role, caused by the psychological phenomenon of rebellion.
This effect comes from the writer Mark Twain.
Mark Twain once listened to a pastor's speech and initially felt that the pastor spoke well. He decided to donate more money.
Ten minutes later, before the pastor could finish, he grew impatient and decided to donate only some change.
Ten minutes later, before the pastor could finish, he decided not to donate.
When the pastor finally finished his speech and was about to raise money, an angry Mark Twain not only didn't donate a penny, but stole two dollars from the plate.
The child who was repeatedly urged, psychological activities and Mark Twain was the same, and finally was forced to hurry, I want to appear such resistance psychology and behavior.
All in all, the more parents urge, the more resistant the child becomes.
Children also reflect.
Psychologists say that only when children are given enough time to experience can they understand from real life who they are and what they want to do.
Parents who like to rush their children from behind often worry that if they don't rush them, will they let themselves go and mess up what they should do?
Sure, maybe, but not always!
Children also hate trouble and problems. If they know that they are procrastinating, they will reflect and think about ways to adjust their inner state.
If everything is done in a hurry according to the rhythm of parents, the child will never understand what is his own and what is someone else's. Once there is a problem in life, he will not realize that it is his responsibility, but will resent the urging.
Even if you are in a hurry, you only need to remind your child to pay attention, and you don't have to urge your child. You can do this:
Fragile expression, turn you faster into I hope
Hurry up and eat, the school bus will be here soon.
Mom wants you to finish your meal in ten minutes, and then we have three minutes to get downstairs so we can catch the bus.
In family education, fragile expression will make children better understand parents 'thoughts and needs, and can trigger children's conscious cooperation.
Compulsive or urgent expression will make the child feel guilty and feel that he is not good enough, thus causing the child to be passive and passive.
If you finish your homework at 8:30 p.m., you have half an hour to do what you love. If you finish it at 8:00 p.m., you have an hour to yourself. If you finish your homework at nine o'clock, you have no free time. You'll be sad, and mom will be sorry.
Tell your child the consequences of moving fast or slow. This reminder is best to let go and let the child think about the consequences for himself.
Don't expect to rush your child to get the results you want. Children can't understand their parents 'emotions in an emotional state.
Parents are frank and forthright about their feelings to their children, and when parents do so, children are willing to understand their parents 'needs.
A friend shared a small thing with me.
Her son Qiuqiu, a 6-year-old boy, stood at the door that day unwilling to wear shoes.
She offered to help, but the ball still didn't wear it. After repeating it three times, she was so angry that she threw her shoes on the ground.
Qiuqiu was shocked to see her mother throw her shoes.
Calm down a bit, she said to her son: Ball ball, mom now have to send you on the school bus, can go to work. There's an important meeting today, and you can't be late. But, like this, mom will really be late for work.
In my heart, your school is also very important! But if you don't wear shoes, we can't go out. Mom is very angry now. She wants to spank you very much, but she can't bear it. Therefore, I can only throw your shoes away.
When Qiuqiu heard her say that he was very important, his expression slowly relaxed.
After listening to her mother, she understood her mother's situation completely, and then she put on her shoes obediently.
Parental companionship is actually waiting for the child to grow up slowly, helping the child visualize and conceptualize things, thus distinguishing imagination from reality, speech and action.
He can discover himself and learn about others from these self-arrangements, and finally form a knowledge of himself and the world.
What really destroys children is not dawdling, but parents 'hurry!
Post a comment