In my second month of college, I realized that this is not my paradise. I was embarrassed and tired. Sitting in the classroom, I was desperate, this empty but huge place, it contained so empty and far-reaching solitude, let me escape again and again.
At that time, my heart was looking for an exit, trying to get through this deep sorrow. For a time, I was discouraged by myself and my life, and let them continue gloomily. I think, maybe love can take me across this vast ocean. I always have great expectations for love, although it has never been fulfilled. But, my love, it didn't come.
In the second year of junior high school, I played puppy love like a family and had a boy who had the potential to become a lifelong confidant. He expressed his love in a poem. I don't know if it belongs to plagiarism. After that, we wrote a few notes every day, relying on our deskmate Hongyan to convey our feelings, and there was no more communication to talk about everything. After falling in love for a year, we didn't date, held hands, and even refused to say more, so that I suspected that I was not the girl who admired him in the words at all. Later, I ended this boring and boring love with anger because of a little thing, and he cooperated very much, but all the other tacit understanding between us was gone, and I was sad for a long time. But as soon as I was in high school, I forgot this person, this person named Youying, forgot that he had wasted my diary, and I even forgot where the diary was put. So I felt very hypocritical and guilty, as if I owed love.
But Yu Zi doesn't think so. Yu Zi is my childhood friend. We grew up together in the same courtyard until we were 16 years old. Yu Zi knows the whole process of this matter, he does not like Youying, because Youying's grades are good, so it is inevitable that he is a little arrogant, and Yu Zi is a typical poor student. Yu Zi then tends to another boy who likes me, a boy who likes to sing to me, big eyes are very beautiful, but also my very good friend, but his grades are not good, do not understand poetry, can give me happiness but can not give me tacit understanding. He went out to work as soon as he graduated from junior high school. I was ecstatic when I received a letter from him in the second half of my second year of high school. He said he went home so he got my address. After a few letters, we all had no enthusiasm to chat about some vague topics, and then we naturally lost touch.
Now I always doubt whether I knew love at that time in junior high school. But I do not regret that there is a story, understated past, vaguely lonely and ambiguous.
When I was in high school, I had a crush on the most handsome guy in our class for about three months. Because three months later, I fell in love with someone else, and then began an unforgettable love three months later. Apart from being handsome and getting top grades, the coolest thing about the number one handsome guy is that the three-point shot is beautiful and accurate. Yu Zi came to see me before he became a soldier. After seeing the most handsome guy, he advised me: can such a person have a crush on you? Give up as soon as possible! I bared my teeth and grinned and scolded me for leaving as a farewell to my son's long trip. But before the number one handsome guy became interested in me, I became interested in someone else. His name is Xie Liang.
When I first met Xie Liang, he was wiping the table with my rag. I said, hey, my rag, he stood blankly, lost his mind, and it took him a while to react. Later, when he sat behind me, I knew that he had just broken up with his girlfriend and looked miserable all day. I naturally play the role of savior, trying to save a wounded soul. As a matter of fact, Xie Liang is not a bad person at all. He fights, smokes, drinks, gambles and, in words, is a complete jerk with all kinds of poisons. But Xie Liang also has all the advantages of a bad boy: evil smile, attentive eyes, generous attitude, will amuse girls. More importantly, he is smart and his grades are not bad. He likes poetry and my words. He will wash dishes for me, buy me medicine and teach me questions, just like a really good man. He gave me the most brilliant time, which was the envy of my sisters. But Yu Zi said that we would not have a happy ending, and the truth was exactly the same as he predicted. Xie Liang gave me the happiness without scruples, and then gave me the pain that I had no way to escape. Both caught me by surprise and made me grow up before I could think about it.
When I broke up with Youying, I wrote a lot of diaries and kept them, and a few years later I turned it out and laughed to death. When I broke up with Xie Liang, I also kept a lot of diaries, but I tore, tore and tore while I was crying, so that I could not find any words to pay tribute to my original sorrow. I only remember that I was very tired. When I calmed down, I seemed to have recovered from a serious illness. I became indifferent to life, and I was tired of love. I understand that I am destined to be just a passer-by in Xie Liang's life, although I wishfully want to remember him with the depth in my heart, but he did not give me enough time. So he was like a few tattoos on my body, and the pain became my mark, reminding me of the pain with open teeth and claws, which made me feel scared.
Now I can't remember what Youying and Xie Liang look like. I never asked Youying for photos. I had a lot of group photos with Xie Liang, and there were also individual photos of him, but I ended them with a match. So they become more and more blurred in my memory, leaving only long and short shadows, connecting my youthful youth.
At 03:00, the most handsome guy and one of the four beauties in the class got together. The matter seemed abrupt because there was no sign that they had a trend. At that time, love was popular, and everyone was struggling under the pressure of the college entrance examination. if they wanted to borrow something to escape, they could be liberated and forgotten. At that time, the most handsome guy always looked poor, with dishevelled hair and short stubble. Once I thought viciously that he really looked like a prisoner who had just been released. In fact, many sisters agree, while heartache the depravity of handsome men. But handsome boys and beauties are still the indisputable best combination, and it is also a perfect interpretation of the fact that there is no outsider in our class. But they didn't get in touch with each other after the college entrance examination, so they announced the end of the love without any ceremony. Although in my opinion, they don't seem to have been in love.
Yu Lun, another boy who once chased me, turned to a beautiful woman with long hair in our class. The long-haired beauty likes her sister's boyfriend, who looks like a perfect match. Later, her sister also knew, of course, did not say anything. Later, she became Yu Lun's girlfriend. Yu Lun was flattered and was extremely kind to beautiful women with long hair. I thought absurdly at that time that if I had chosen Yu Lun, I might be the happy princess today, but I know that long-haired beauties do not feel happy. Some people call her cold beauty, she is holding on to a certain line of defense at the bottom of her heart with indifference. She cut off her long hair after the college entrance examination, and we all thought Yu Lun's happiness was coming, but they broke up in less than a year.
I looked on coldly at the love of these people, perhaps just as they had looked at me. These false love, even if two people rely on each other? Still can not warm each other, comfort each other. We each hold one end of love and weigh each other's weight in doubt. Maybe one day one or two people find that each other is not an opponent in their love, so they turn around and leave before they get together, and the rope of love breaks suddenly.
But what about love? We are constantly entangled, entangled and confronted in the process of approaching. Maybe one day our thorns finally hurt each other's heart, so, the opponent lost, leaving us lonely mourning love, leaving a lifetime of loneliness.
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