In the Policy of the warring States, touching the dragon tells the story of Empress Dowager Zhao, which must be no stranger to everyone. In 265 BC, after the death of King Zhao Huiwen, his son, King Zhao Xiaocheng, succeeded to the throne and was young, so he was regent by Empress Dowager Zhao.
The State of Qin took the opportunity to attack the State of Zhao, and Zhao asked for help from the State of Qi. The State of Qi asked to take Chang Anjun, the youngest son of Empress Dowager Zhao, as a hostage, but the Empress Dowager Zhao refused to remonstrance, which led to the deepening of the national crisis.
When Toulong met the Empress Dowager Zhao, she did not directly remonstrate, but first sincerely asked about the physical condition and diet of the Empress Dowager Zhao. This concern eased the resistance of the Empress Dowager Zhao.
Then, Toulong put forward a request for her son to replace the vacancy of the guard in black, which made the poor Empress Dowager Zhao resonate with her parents and put down her anger.
Later, Toulong pointed out that if you love your children, you should consider their long-term interests. The reason why the descendants of princes have not been able to maintain long-term wealth is that they have a high status but have no meritorious deeds and cannot convince the public.
Therefore, taking advantage of this opportunity to let Chang'an Jun do meritorious service for his country will be of great benefit to the future of both Zhao and Chang'an Jun.
The words of touching the dragon are all considered from the point of view of Empress Dowager Zhao as a mother, rather than opposing her personal feelings and national interests.
This strong empathy made Empress Dowager Zhao convincingly accept the remonstrance.
Touching the dragon, which fully respects the feelings of others and puts itself in the shoes of others to solve problems for others, makes people very comfortable.
This is also the golden rule of the workplace: do not show mountains, do not dew, do not give people pressure, but use the sugar-coated effect to skillfully convey advice.
This kind of comfort is not the sophistication of the world, but the advanced cultivation of emotional empathy.
Whether marriage is good or not, in fact, depends on the degree to which each other is comfortable.
Ibsen, a Norwegian playwright, said: marriage is a great test of life. Some people cross this hurdle smoothly, hold hands all their lives and stay together until they are old, while others can only sigh that lsquo; life is just like the first sight & rsquo;.
Many hurdles in marriage often come from poor communication and even verbal violence. If we can give more consideration to each other's feelings, it will not be difficult to turn swords into swords.
This seemingly simple truth, many people do not understand, in the face of emotional partners, always like to chatter. On one occasion, colleague Zhao Wen, who was aggrieved at the company, went home to complain. In fact, she just wanted her husband to understand her feelings, hug her and comfort her.
Unexpectedly, after her husband heard this, he not only had no comfort, but also said that she had not done a good job, which led to a misunderstanding and a lot of truth. How could Zhao Wen listen at that time? as a result, the two became more and more noisy, and the old debts were all involved. Zhao Wen picked up her bag and went back to her mother's house in tears.
In fact, in marriage, no one can explain the truth clearly, and many contradictions arise from the entanglement of truth.
As Sikun said in the book "words and values": the key to making our mood worse is not that person's behavior, but how he interprets it.
People trapped in emotions are irrational in the first place. If you criticize him at this time, he will interpret it as not understanding and not caring.
On the contrary, if you gently appease him first, and then analyze the problem after he has calmed down, it may be easy for people to accept.
Remember, love is always the only antidote to marital conflicts. Mutual tolerance and understanding born by love is the happiest gesture of marriage.
In order to run a marital relationship, it is necessary for both parties to practice this kind of self-cultivation which is rooted in the inside and makes each other comfortable. Only in this way can our feelings stand up to the years and the firewood, rice, oil and salt.
In the parent-child relationship, the good self-cultivation of parents is also the precious wealth of children's life.
Liang Qichao is recognized as an excellent father, and all his children are excellent. The success of his godson stems from respect and care for his children from the bottom of his heart.
He pays close attention to and appreciates all his children, constantly discovering the bright spots in them and teaching them in accordance with their aptitude. He has always advocated the importance of fun in life, believing that life with fun is valuable.
Therefore, on the issue of educating his children, he never blamed, preached, fully respected their interests, encouraged them to pursue the truth, and never pinned his dreams on his children. As for his children's future choices, Liang Qichao has always been guided by good guidance on the basis of equality and respect.
He is a father who makes his children free from pressure and gets along very comfortably. He regards his children as friends and cares about their mental development.
In his worldview, a child's academic achievement is far less important than mental nature, interest, health and happiness. He had already practiced the truth at that time, but we are still unable to do it.
We often let our children in their own condescending, flee, in the process of growing up, do not really treat them equally, give them a comfortable spiritual atmosphere.
When you encounter problems, it is not to sympathize with their hearts first, but to blame them endlessly, so that their confidence and dignity will be lost little by little.
If parents want to teach by positive words and deeds, they should try their best not to blame when something happens, fully respect their children's nature, and guide them correctly. Children who grow up in this way are bound to nourish the flowers of self-confidence, and self-confidence is the cornerstone of all happiness.
It will be lucky for their children to have such highly cultivated parents.
The more comfortable a person can make the people around him, the more he reflects his deep self-cultivation and the degree of comfort, which determines the height that a person can reach.
Make people comfortable, just a few words, it is not easy to do. It needs to know all the time, with a strong sense of empathy, to understand the situation of others, to grasp the balance, and to make positive feedback to others.
There is a museum of empathy in the United States, where there is a very interesting experience.
It requires two people who don't know each other to exchange shoes, and then accompany each other for a while, exchanging their own life experiences and feelings as they walk, only to find that they are more likely to identify with other people's feelings when they are wearing other people's shoes.
This is for the sake of others, empathy, but also every comfortable person, the necessary character.
They have already incorporated these qualities into the blood, making people feel like a spring breeze and moistening things silently in their daily words and deeds. When it's all right, you can't feel their presence, but when something's wrong, they'll be by your side for the first time.
People who are comfortable are never emotionless. As he said: no anger does not necessarily mean that there are no negative emotions, can not bring negative emotions to others, is the real self-cultivation.
They are like this, give you the strongest arm when you are down, and exit silently when you are happy, just like the air, which never makes you feel the pressure of existence, but you can't leave it the most.
If life is a spiritual practice, then people are comfortable, it is the most worthy of self-cultivation in this practice.
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