My sister called to tell me about her nephew's troubles.
My nephew is in the second grade of junior high school and is in the period of adolescent turmoil. Originally weak children, but now often irritable and mother rivalry. My sister, who has been engaged in primary education for a long time, has not encountered this phenomenon, and she is very distressed at a loss for a while. So after the end of this semester parents will rush to sister's home.
The child's fourteen or fourteen years old, that is, about the second grade of junior high school, is the psychological adolescent turmoil period of children, this period of children are very rebellious, originally very obedient children in life but unconsciously abnormal, everything with parents twist dry, you say east he (she) shout west, you let him (she) drive dog, he (she) must drive chicken. Life he (she) they began to see differently from their parents, parents want him (she) they do, they will refuse without reason, or even do the opposite. It is difficult to concentrate on weekdays and often has thoughts. Ask them what they think, and they often don't know.
In fact, this is a psychological reflection of the physiological changes in children. Another psychological reaction of children at this age is the beginning of sexual arousal. When children after a period of psychological agitation, attention to the opposite sex gradually increased, the opposite sex to bring its visual reflection makes it difficult to calm down. Soon the opposite sex's smile, every move, even the sound will make him (her) hearts shake to produce a sense of pleasure. Human sexual instinct is different from ordinary animals, the initial sexual psychological reaction is closed heart, do not want others, especially do not want to let parents know. Reflected in life as tired of learning, often use the Internet to play video games, play ball and other habits of sports to dispel trouble, personality continues to enhance. and it starts to differentiate in about a year or so.
Children in today's Chinese society are generally divided into two categories. One type is energetic, physiological excitement, normal into puberty turmoil, personality gradually strengthened. The reflection is the confusion brought to parents mentioned above; the other is still obedient, lacking their own opinions and personality in life.
The former (one category) will continue to differentiate into three categories. The first category is psychological vulnerability, poor living environment, psychological pressure, and finally lead to mental breakdown. Some reflect depression, agitation and even suicide. There are also two kinds of children of this kind. One is intelligent and successful, but their ability to live is poor, and their ability to withstand setbacks is weak. They often collapse in front of ordinary life setbacks. The other is normal intelligence, but too much indulgence in life, weak willpower, failed to receive good educational results. These two kinds of children lack the ability to live independently and often become a burden on their families and society; the second type is due to the unsatisfactory living environment and improper guidance, and they go astray. Although the number of such children is small, it is easy to become a social hazard; the third category is psychological and physiological normal, energetic, ideal living environment or high level of mental health, and strong ability to withstand setbacks. Even if they do not become the pillars of society, they will become the backbone of society.
The latter (another broad category) will also split into two categories. In the first case, the physiological development is relatively late, and there is congenital deficiency. Not only academic mediocre, life to do what is often powerless. If this kind of child does not encounter unexpected major setbacks, with the help of relatives and people around him, he is generally able to live independently; in the second case, he has a bad living environment since childhood, long-term lack of normal guidance and restraint, or there are certain intellectual problems, and he cannot complete his studies normally. Such children are socially vulnerable groups who need help almost all their lives.
Children begin to wean themselves from dependence on their parents at the age of 12 until they reach adulthood at 18. Psychologists call the process by which teenagers break away from parental supervision and become independent individuals psychological weaning. The 14-year-old child is at a critical time in the child's psychological weaning period. This is when the psychological sex of the child begins to take shape, and the psychosexual reactions mentioned at the beginning of the article are precisely the normal growth phenomena of the child's vitality. In other words, if the child reaches this age group, it is still obedient, life lacks its own ideas, the latter does not form personality, is the abnormal phenomenon of growth, is really worrying.
Children of this age are also called adolescent atresia psychologically, that is, they close themselves up, do not easily open their hearts to the outside world, become isolated, and their attitude towards their parents appears cold. This is the normal psychological reaction of children from maturity to maturity. They will begin to yearn for independence but lack experience; they will care about the evaluation of others, especially their peers; they will experience inner secrets that they have never experienced before, they will not be so frank with others, they will also have reservations about their close people, and they will have loneliness; they will care about their appearance, posture, and height; they will have a need to make friends, and they will have a vague feeling about the opposite sex; they will be interested in the inner world of others and social life and new things, and begin to form values. However, this period will be greatly shortened as the amount of information children have increased. Before the Internet entered the homes of ordinary people, adolescent atresia was almost identical to adolescent agitation. However, with the increasing influence of media such as the Internet on children, this period has been greatly shortened. Children will soon go astray if they are not guided correctly and effectively in time.
There is a rule in psychology that severe personality depression will lead to huge personality expansion, and the repressed personality will eventually find a gap for its own expansion. Chinese parents are notorious for indulging their children, effectively depriving them of the right to suffer appropriate setbacks and difficulties. As a result, these children are overwhelmed by frustration when they reach college (adulthood), and they develop strange thoughts, antisocial behaviors, and even suicide amid disappointment and anxiety.
Today, we're going to talk about how to deal with adolescent agitation and rebellion. Children of this age crave to be treated like adults and are reluctant to accept that they are childish. In daily life, he often acts headstrong and does not listen to other people's persuasion. Therefore, it is very difficult to persuade such children. Human growth is the same as that of small trees. In most cases, it depends on its natural growth. Too much external force (man-made factor) often breaks the laws of nature. However, if you do not often cut pruning, there will also be side-by-side phenomenon.
Growing restlessness and rebellion are the power of life. Just like nuclear energy, if the speed and direction of its release cannot be controlled, it will inevitably cause great damage. Not only will it destroy itself, but it will also bring great harm to society. Objectively speaking, there is no positive energy in reality. Only when energy is given certain conditions, energy will act in the positive direction. The correct guidance of growing children is like pruning a growing tree in order to influence its growth speed and direction. As long as the energy release speed and direction are controllable, it will not only have a destructive effect, but also bring positive effects to society.
How to guide children of this age! Each child will be guided differently, but there are rules to follow. There is a general difference in the way boys and girls are guided. However, they cannot be separated from a premise, which guides children to do excellent gender roles in life.
Let's start with boys. Chinese children are brought up in obedient education. Based on gender differences, boys in this age group are eager for life identification. The best way to do this is to guide children into adult roles. If it is both parents, boys are best communicated by their fathers. However, it is important not to ask the child to do anything as a father in communication, but to negotiate with another adult male role as an adult man. The father first explains the disadvantages of some bad habits in the child's growth process by telling the child some specific growth experiences, and helps the child understand the specific harm of bad habits. And agreed with the child, parents only as a child's mirror, regularly remind the child's behavior deviation. Give your child some specific tasks in life to help him become a real man (if necessary, you can create this atmosphere for your child with your teacher).
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