one
A few days ago, the news reported a piece of news about the fire. A sentence my husband said after the fire triggered a heated discussion among netizens.
At about 09:00 on the morning of May 11, a fire broke out in a household on the 33rd floor of a residential district in Guiyang. From the video on the scene, we can see that the fire in the fire room is fierce, and the smoke goes straight to the residents' homes on the roof.
The fire was controlled in time, but the whole house was in a mess, the walls cracked, the doors were charred, and the bed was left with only a skeleton.
The head of the household, Ms. Meng, said that in the morning, the child wet the sheets and trousers, and she used a hair dryer to blow the sheets. The baby began to cry. She put down the hair dryer to put on the baby's pants, and then the hairdryer burst, igniting the pillow at the head of the bed.
Ms. Meng was so sad that her husband had to comfort her: it's just a house, and the worst thing is to redecorate it, which is equivalent to our living in a new house.
Most netizens affirmed Ms. Meng's husband's attitude, saying that Ms. Meng married the right person.
One of the most liked messages went like this:
My husband is the same. He thinks that if you lose your property, you lose it. He said that if you lose a relative because of something, then he may lose more than just one item. As long as afterwards know how to avoid not happening again, after all, the loss is lost, blaming no one can be undone.
When things happen, blindly blaming not only can not recover the loss, but may intensify the conflict and make the other half more annoyed.
The person who has made a big mistake is already very guilty and sad in his heart. if the other person does not forgive or forgive and continues to blame and preach, then it may make things worse on the basis of misfortune.
As soon as the blame is spoken, it means harm.
Sometimes the killer of the relationship between husband and wife is not infidelity or domestic violence, but you do not help me when I am in trouble, and you still criticize me relentlessly when I am miserable.
If the other person can comfort in time at this time, he will take the initiative and immediately throw himself into a positive emotion, so that the other half will be deeply moved and willing to repair the loss with you.
two
Friend Xinxin ran into a private equity firm in the street last year to hand out flyers and entered the agency out of curiosity to inquire about the situation.
The house of the agency is luxuriously decorated, the hall is resplendent, and the service staff are neatly dressed and look very formal.
Xinxin listened to the propaganda of the service staff and invested all the 300000 yuan that the family was saving to buy a house next year into private equity, looking forward to getting 20% of the income the next year.
When he got home, Xinxin told her husband that he immediately thought it was a scam, but when he told Xinxin that the organization might be a fraud company, Xinxin did not believe it.
Half a month later, Xinxin went out to run errands, passed by the private equity firm, and was dismayed to find that the building was empty.
Xinxin called her husband in tears and felt as if the sky was falling. 300000 is not a small sum for a small family that has just started its career.
My husband immediately came to see Xinxin without a word of reproach, just trying to comfort her.
We can make more money without it. You see, the hotel business is getting better and better now. It's not bad at all. You can take this money as a donation, and it's not hopeless to get it back.
My husband later reported the case with Xinxin, and the police said that there were a lot of such cases recently. This organization has run away with money, and many people have come to report the case. If there is any news, we must inform the victim in time.
The matter was never mentioned by her husband again, which made Xinxin both moved and guilty.
She remembered that in the early days of her husband's start-up, she had lost a sum of money because of a decision-making mistake. At that time, Xinxin scolded him every day for his thoughtlessness, accused him of being blind, and even wondered if he had married the wrong person when he was in a hurry.
In that year, the two people always quarreled, the husband's spirit was decadent, he often went out to drink, and the relationship between husband and wife was on the verge of disintegration. Until the business improved and Xinxin gradually relieved that he no longer mentioned losing money, their relationship became better.
Xinxin did not consider her husband's feelings at that time, but blindly vented her emotions. it was not until she was cheated that she realized how much harm she had done to her husband.
Blindly blaming the other person when he makes a mistake not only does not make him deeply aware of his mistake, but is more likely to arouse his aggressiveness, make him feel frustrated in his self-esteem and try his best to defend himself. This kind of dispute will only make the other party farther and farther away from him, and will not do any good in solving the problem.
Some people will also lose confidence in themselves because of accusations, disappoint and hate their partner, and fall into the abyss that they can't feel how painful they are.
Relationships between husband and wife often collapse at a moment when they are blamed.
three
There is a saying in the West called ProactiveBehavior, which is called proactive behavior.
It means that when you encounter difficulties, you can control the situation instead of being held back by the situation, be able to become the master of emotions, be forward-looking when you encounter difficulties, and take the first step to control the situation immediately.
There is a story about a couple who gave birth to a boy after marriage. Because of the mother's carelessness, the boy accidentally ate medicine and died. When the father saw his grieving wife, he didn't say a word of reproach, but put his arm around his wife and said to her, "Honey, I love you."
The behavior of the husband in the story is called proactive behavior.
The departure of the child is already painful for the wife, the husband's accusation will only aggravate the wife's pain and will not play any other role, the child will not come back from the dead, and grief will not be reduced by a point of blame.
If you can hug each other, warm each other, encourage each other out of the predicament, is the most rational choice.
As Yang Lan once said: in the most helpless and weak time, in the most depressed and depressed time, she (he) holds up your chin, straightens your spine, commands you to be strong, and accompanies you around, sharing the fate.
At that time, the feelings between you, in addition to love, there is also the loyalty of treating each other with all sincerity, the tacit understanding of never giving up, and the unforgettable kindness.
Proactive behavior also applies to some of the little things in life.
When the other party does something wrong, or does not meet their own requirements, the other party can control their emotions, do not immediately blame, choose tolerance and understanding, will make the relationship more harmonious and happy.
When the child was ill, the husband blamed his wife for not taking good care of her.
The wife reproached the husband for being indiscreet when he was drunk.
The dishes were not washed clean, the clothes were ironed unevenly, and smelly socks were thrown about.
Every day is full of accusations, complaints, dissatisfaction in marriage life, unwittingly consuming each other's patience and care, once appreciation, love and passion disappear in the stumbling.
Balzac said: husband and wife should understand each other by knowing each other, and then by tolerating each other and loving each other in order to maintain a happy marriage.
Family is not a place to talk about right or wrong, if you can put aside the blame, do not worry about right or wrong, still forgive each other, learn to think calmly and work together to solve problems, then you will gradually find that the once tired and boring marriage life is gradually glowing.
four
Montaigne said that a happy marriage is one of the greatest happiness in life, and an unhappy marriage is tantamount to going to hell alive.
Everyone envies the love between Qian Zhongshu and Yang Jiang, who once wrote in "the three of us":
When I was in hospital, Zhong Shu lived alone. He visited the maternity ward every day and often said with a bitter face, "I have done something bad." He knocked over the ink bottle and dyed the landlord's tablecloth.
I said: never mind, I can wash.
Ink!
Ink can also be washed.
He went back at ease. Then he did something bad and smashed the lamp.
When I asked what kind of lamp it was, I said, never mind, I can fix it. He went back at ease.
The next time he was worried again, he said that he had broken the hinge and that a gateball had fallen off at both ends of the hinge, and the door could not be closed.
I said: never mind, I can fix it. He went back at ease.
While he was grateful, he believed what I said. All the bad things he did when I was in the maternity hospital were really repaired when I got back to my apartment.
Zhong Shu called the car to pick up his wife and daughter from the hospital and returned to their apartment.
He stewed chicken soup, peeled green tender silkworm bean cloves, boiled them in soup, put them in a bowl, and brought them to me to eat.
I don't know how surprised the Qian family would be if they knew that their eldest son was able to take care of pregnant women like this.
Qian Zhongshu's hands-on ability is weak, Yang Jiang will not blame him every time something is damaged, but every time she comforts him that it doesn't matter.
Her tolerance and thoughtfulness not only did not cultivate a gluttonous and lazy husband, but made the husband grateful and more actively washed his hands and made vegetable soup for his wife.
In fact, people have a powerful ability to choose to give up reasonable and unforgiving behavior.
What's more, there is no most correct reason between husband and wife, only the most true love.
Try to give up endless blame and complaining, one more complaint, one less happiness; one more blame, one less happiness.
When he or she makes a mistake, try to hug him or her; when he or she makes a mistake, try to say it doesn't matter.
After all, now that we have swords and swords outside, please forgive and warm us a little more at home.
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